Is stupid evil?

I know that evil is evil. I know that deliberate, cruel, calculating misery is evil. But what about when someone is blissfully stupid over and over and over again? At what point does this absolute refusal to GET A BRAIN become evil? Because I think it does. I think stubborn stupidity that has negative results, even when delivered with a smile and the innocent blinking of a lamb, very quickly crosses over into evil.

The boyfriend is EVIL! (read stupid on such a colossal scale that it will block out the sun)

Let's establish a few guidelines before I continue my rant. The idea that what you do is YOUR business and only effects you is pure and utter CRAP, in my mind. The idea that no one can make you feel bad without your permission is also PURE CRAP. If you are impervious to the slings and arrows and hurts of others then YOU have a borderline personality disorder that YOU ought to seek treatment for. BUt those of us who consider others valuable and worthy are indeed vulnerable to the pain others inflict. The only way to be immune to bad feelings is to be a raging narcissist yourself. (or psychopath or sociopath or a big fat bully disguised as assertive)

Thus, I contend, that when you live with blithering idiots, their behaviour does indeed trickle down onto you. Living with morons in close proximity can pollute the water you drink, the air you breathe and the life you live.

Right now Horse Daughter, when face to face with the stunned choices and profound failings of the other, says that 'what he does is His Business', IS FOOLING HERSELF! Very soon, when your life is embroiled with a dirtbag, you find that HIS BUSINESS becomes YOUR PROBLEMS! That his failings reflect on you! That people who view him as an idiot very quickly view you as an idiot for staying with him!

With this one, it's small things. Today it was the seatbelt. He will not wear his seatbelt. He and I have had this fight. Oh, he's a big, blustery tough guy. His life has been saved many times because he DIDN'T have his seatbelt on. Really? When? How many head on collision have you been in, you idiot, that you managed to keep your skinny butt planted in the seat and NOT fly out the windshield? And if you, in your short life, have been in that many bad car wrecks, most of which you were likely the driver, just slither off and stay under a rock because society does NOT need self involved, short sighted, immediate gratification thrill seekers like YOU out on the public roadways!

AGH! Just put on your seatbelt! Does this really challenge your masculinity that much? Just keep yourself in a vehicle in case, Gordon forbid, there is an accident and my (seemingly brain dead) Daughter does NOT have to suffer the trauma of watching you fly face first through the windshield of her truck! OR some other family does not have to have your body flopping and plopping around the road, traumatizing them and their kids. Out of consideration for OTHER PEOPLE, just place this one little item across your lap and shoulder and do what you can to protect the feelings and lives of others. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, you navel gazing $hithead!

AAAHAAGHGHAAAA!

I have NO PATIENCE for people whose main thrust in life is to do what they want, how they want, when they want with NO REGARD for the trickle down effect on others. When this weed lives all by himself on a planet inhabited by no one, then he can drive how he wants. He can wear no seatbelt and smash into trees and die that way, if he wants. But he is surrounded by people who will be HUGELY affected by the event of his death, should it happen, and his careless disregard for this potential outcome is as hateful and evil as if he was killing kittens for fun.

It will be easy to say 'what he does is his business'. BUt it is easy to be wrong and in this situation, that response is dead wrong. It is his business to grow a set, think beyond the end of his selfish, stupid nose, and consider the trickle down effects of this unforgivable and repulsive bravado. The only positive in this is that while he is not belted in, it will be easier for Horse Daughter to kick his skinny butt out into the ditch and drive away without him. Now when is SHE going to grow a brain? Did I raise her to be this stupid?

I have failed as a mother.

Again I say you HAVE NOT failed as a mother!!!!

Its the LAW to wear your seat belt. Maybe when HD isn't in the truck a "call" should be made? Just sayin

If you want stupid evil Uno. I will give you the jist of a ended friendship I had not that long ago.....

She wanted a white picket fence, a dotting husband and the ridiculously priced house. Well she found the rebound to be that husband, got him a outrageously priced house, managed to get rid of his dog and keep hers and totalled her truck in order to get her brand new 1/2ton. Got married in the fall got pregnant in November and proceeded to be that so called fun lovin party girl. Called her cousin a LOSER because her and her hubby decided to quite smoking and slammed back a bottle of red wine. Cause smoking and drinking red wine is okay for babies health. Thru out her pregnancy it was okay to drink in excess of what any doctor would ok and smoke. The baby came out with a birth weight of 4lbs.

This I think is evil stupid because you value your life and not the life you are creating, why create it if you can't put the same value as your own life.

Yup....he is stupid and yes he is evil as well. You did not fail as a mother...sometime kids just have to learn in their own time and sadly...often the hard way. Life is often like that and it sucks! We want our kids to be happy, successful and safe. I often try to impart my wisdom (gathered over years of hard knocks) to my children and they don't need to listen....they are smarter than I am. That's cool, as a parent I want my kids to be smarter and do better than I have. Sad truth of the matter is YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN I AM..... I have time and experience on my side and you don't you little twit! Case in point: Son bought used winter tires. I took one look and told him they were worn out and absolutely NOT going to have the traction needed to drive safe. I was informed that the tread depth gauge he bought at Princess Auto said they were still legal. I tried to explain that legal and safe are very different....... Know it all son ignored my advice for a few days....then it snowed, wonderful wet snow that turns to ice the moment it's compressed (eg: being driven on by the aforementioned bald tires) One SCARY trip home from town at midnight and sliding down our driveway brushing the 12x12 inch, poured in place concrete gate post did the trick. Next morning involved a trip to the friendly local tire shop for good quality WINTER tires with studs. Thankfully the lesson was learned without anyone being injured. He was afraid to tell Dad that he "brushed" the concrete post. Around here Concrete is sacred, son was lucky to have left only a little of his white truck on the post. The damage to his truck is on him. Don't get me wrong he is a great kid, an amazing young man who I am proud to cont among my friends.......Somethimes he just needs to learn on his own. Daughter learned the same lesson but it involved totaling her car. Icy roads, bald tires and speed = head on into a concrete wall.....darn near gave me a heart attack! Her tires were on order and would have been changed the following weekend. Thankfully she was not badly injured, she was wearing her SEAT BELT and the airbags deployed. Ignorance can be cured but stupidity is fatal!

If it's any consolation, I believe 18-23 girls are supposed to be terrible screw ups, make bad choices, and do stupid things.

She'll get over it.

Uno, may I just add that I think you are amazing. Your command of the language and the pictures you paint using words alone are brilliant! We can only hope he is unable to reproduce.... just in case stupid is genetic!

authenticfarm wrote:If it's any consolation, I believe 18-23 girls are supposed to be terrible screw ups, make bad choices, and do stupid things.

She'll get over it.

Sadly enough I do agree with AF here mainly cause I was this

? ............been trying to wrap my head around this one ! I totally understand your frustration , and no as a mother you haven't failed ! your daughter has made a bad choice and "" she "" will be the one to have to deal with it ! and that is where it gets hard ! We all made dumb choices in our lives and have had to live with them or find a way to walk away from them
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Your HD's choice is obviously not one that you endorse and as noted you see all his faults which are apparently very obvious and from what you've written are some that could end up in what must be said as self harm ...or stupid , which works .HD will have to make some hard choices soon .........it will come to a end soon ! She is most likely aware of the faults in BF and will have to face the facts herself , as much a you want it to happen now .............time will do what time does

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

The best I can say is be there for her when the time comes , she will need you ! Mom's are mom's for ever as I'm learning and you are defiantly a mother who cares a lot and although you see what is happening you'll have to stand there and wait for that signal that you're needed now more then ever before . I think that the best that you can do now is give a message to HD's BF .................

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Stand strong !

Ruffledfeathers wrote:Again I say you HAVE NOT failed as a mother!!!!

Its the LAW to wear your seat belt. Maybe when HD isn't in the truck a "call" should be made? Just sayin

If you want stupid evil Uno. I will give you the jist of a ended friendship I had not that long ago.....

She wanted a white picket fence, a dotting husband and the ridiculously priced house. Well she found the rebound to be that husband, got him a outrageously priced house, managed to get rid of his dog and keep hers and totalled her truck in order to get her brand new 1/2ton. Got married in the fall got pregnant in November and proceeded to be that so called fun lovin party girl. Called her cousin a LOSER because her and her hubby decided to quite smoking and slammed back a bottle of red wine. Cause smoking and drinking red wine is okay for babies health. Thru out her pregnancy it was okay to drink in excess of what any doctor would ok and smoke. The baby came out with a birth weight of 4lbs.

This I think is evil stupid because you value your life and not the life you are creating, why create it if you can't put the same value as your own life.

She didn't even value the life of her baby as much as she valued the bottles of booze. That poor child is likely to be cursed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome for life. Selfish momma will not have what it takes to raise a child with FAS....tragic, simply tragic.
  

Echo 1 wrote:

Ruffledfeathers wrote:Again I say you HAVE NOT failed as a mother!!!!

Its the LAW to wear your seat belt. Maybe when HD isn't in the truck a "call" should be made? Just sayin

If you want stupid evil Uno. I will give you the jist of a ended friendship I had not that long ago.....

She wanted a white picket fence, a dotting husband and the ridiculously priced house. Well she found the rebound to be that husband, got him a outrageously priced house, managed to get rid of his dog and keep hers and totalled her truck in order to get her brand new 1/2ton. Got married in the fall got pregnant in November and proceeded to be that so called fun lovin party girl. Called her cousin a LOSER because her and her hubby decided to quite smoking and slammed back a bottle of red wine. Cause smoking and drinking red wine is okay for babies health. Thru out her pregnancy it was okay to drink in excess of what any doctor would ok and smoke. The baby came out with a birth weight of 4lbs.

This I think is evil stupid because you value your life and not the life you are creating, why create it if you can't put the same value as your own life.

She didn't even value the life of her baby as much as she valued the bottles of booze.  That poor child is likely to be cursed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome for life.  Selfish momma will not have what it takes to raise a child with FAS....tragic, simply tragic.
  

That's why were not friends anymore.

Einstein said "just because you can procreate does not mean that you should"

Someone also said
"stupid people are everywhere"

And Carol says...." i am sorry Uno" HD needs to learn herself. It is nothing you did... In fact you should be kind of smug in knowing that initially DTR's tend to chose the exact oposite of what they were raised with...so she is picking the exact polar opposite to you....She will get over it.
But you can set boundaries for yourself.
You don't have to allow him to come into your house or onto your property.
You do not have to invite him places just because he happens to be a pelvic affiliate of HD. You can continue to invite HD to outings, and dinner and continue to have a relationship with her. Just be blunt and tell HD that the guy drives you nuts, and you would rather not be around him. You could also say something like "i noticed he doesn't have much regard for you and that is really what bothers me"...then when HD is quiet perhaps she might start looking at how he treats her.
Talk about how difficult change can be and that no matter how tough things are-you would be willing to financially kick in to help her move out/home but just will not assist her to continue living in a relationship that is disrespectful to her...
perhaps i am out of line(never stopped me before)...you know the relationship they have, and the relationship that you have with your daughter....think well on it and point out the things that are not right... not with him..but how by his actions he treats her.

Uno, I don't believe stupid is evil. Evil can be either smart or stupid.

Too bad you can't give his mother a retroactive birth control pill and end your pain.

I am new here, but I feel your pain. I also have a different perspective.
I got married to a retard when I was 18. No one could have stopped me by telling me this. NO ONE. When I was 21 I had 2 children and no husband. I kicked him to the curb. I kept him that long because my pride demanded it. I was a grown up right? I could provide my children a father right? I never took into account weather they would be better off without that man as a father. Eventually the bills are not paid, the friends don't come by anymore and the family gets migraines from grinding their teeth every time they see him. Eventually you grow to realize that pride truly does come before the fall.
Perhaps HD is trying to prove to herself and others that she is a mature adult who stands by her decisions. Perhaps she needs a little more time to come to terms with the simple fact that a person needs to own their mistakes as well as their triumphs and there is no shame in it.
When she learns this, she will be free. However hard it is, the more negative you are in front of her, the more her pride will dig in and the longer this will take. Try to boost her instead. Tell her she is beautiful and smart. Leave out the "but's" e.g.; you are so smart, what are you doing with him, or when are you going to leave him.
Ask questions about her future. Career decisions not family ones. DO NOT TALK ABOUT HIM EVER as she will see it as an attack on HER not him.
Buy shares in a good wine cellar. Breathe. This too shall pass

You are a wise lady, NE.

Especially about the wine.

You people are the best therapy. I hope to quit ranting about this soon. It's just that I am repeatedly gobstopped by the sheer magnitude of the stubborn stupidity. It just keeps coming, wave after crashing wave, like a tsunami of stupid.

Prairie Dog, love the quotes, especially the last one by Al Capone. I think he and I were cousins, once removed. We think alike.

I waiver between telling myself that I MUST like him and MUST see the good in him since my bonehead daughter has chosen him (from the reject pile) as her current mate. (I gagged a little as I typed that). We have treated him fairly and well, extending to him the same kindnesses as we hope someone would extend to our own daughter. We spent the same money on him at Christmas as we did our daughter. Mind you, when I need to let the little rat have it, I do, I hold nothing back.

He needs to go back to his own mother...she's not finished with him yet. THe paint's not dry. He's not completely baked, still soft in the middle. Needs his mom to apply her foot to his ass for a few more years. But...I suspect that she is happy to have the numbskull off her hands, probably just as tired of his chronic acts of thoughtless lawlessness and impulsive thrill seeking (driving uninsured vehicles on public roads while he himself has a suspended driver's license. He has done this more than once in the 5 months I've known him!) If she is a sensible woman she is probably wanting to strangle him as badly as I am!

Bigrock and all who have advised that this is life and what happens, happens, you are of course correct. You speak the wisdom of ages. I know it on some inner level, but it's like watching someone about to slam their hand in a door and not shouting LOOK OUT!

And is he different from what she came from? That was brought home as a big, fat yes the day he put a metric wrench on a standard nut. As far as Hub is concerned, if you can't tell the difference between standard and metric, just lay down in the road and be done with it.

Wine. Who said wine? I must find some wine! Lots and lots of wine.

He put a metric wrench on a standard nut and you guys didn't employ the services of a qualified a hit man immediately!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! I am impressed with your's and your Hubby's self control. Around here that is equivalent to calling concrete "cement"....... it simply isn't done!
Some how Uno I feel we live parallel lives.

Capone+Uno=Capuno

Lots of visuals in my brain right now!

She shall hence forth be known as Capuno!

UNO........Actually I like the capone one as well.    But what happened to luigi and the burdizzo??? Also if you called the cops on

him when he's driving uninsured and suspended license, perhaps your daughter would see that mr. bright spark isn't so bright after all?

See how "real" life works. What if he hit some poor family caused no end of misery and they couldn't even sue for damages? When you

see this happening, you are condoning that action.   He needs to see the light, a red one from a cop car behind him, asap.

Believe me LadyLeghorn, that call is tingling in my finger tips and I will indeed make it should THAT particular brand of stupid ever happen in front of me again. He has been told as much.

Capuno. Hmm. I wonder if I could that on a personalized license plate?

Uno, I can point him to a vast array of graphic images showing exactly why seatbelts are important.

People who don't wear seatbelts are idiots and sadly these idiots are among us and they can reproduce. Ugh.

UNO........Yay for you.   

Ahh Uno you always entertain me with your witty commentary   Sorry you have to watch this happening to your HD.  My daughter is only 8yrs old and already I can see she takes after me and I'm terrified!!  Boys just don't grow up until late 20's and young girls just don't see it.  I moved out and moved cities from my parents thankfully because whew if my mother knew the incredibly stupid things I put up with…  Sadly I agree with NE and anytime you let him know he's a dumba$$ she'll take his side and feel bad for him.  I think you must find lots of wine and plot a wonderful vacation where you can't see the dumb things happening  

Not wearing seatbelts? Sounds like this type of stupid might be self correcting.

Gack, I feel for ya woman. Can't really imagine, but can sort of imagine, my poor Mother too, the things that she must have thought with some of my life choices (well, until my last final decision which would have made her smile, some almost 34 years ago). There is nothing you can do about this, you can try to make things right, by trying him to "get" some things, but all in the end, it is Horsey Daughter that will have to figure things out. Once past her rebellion stage, which I think she is still in (and may be yet for many years), she WILL realize what she really needs to choose for a mate (or not, but likely will). And you can hope that she will choose one that will be a semblence of her Father, she has a wonderful Mother and a great Dad. The Husband of my youngest Daughter always talks about this....and says....I know I got a good one (cause boy has she ever screwed up sometimes), cause I know that I have heard, if you want to know what your Wife will be like as she ages -- look at the Mother. Not bragging, but this is what it is. He always looks at me and smiles when he says this thing, and I know what he means. I too was just like your Horsey Daughter, he knows that, and Horsey Daughter, give her time, many, many years, and Uno...guess what? She will be just like you. A most beautiful, thoughtful and wonderful woman, who will make wonderful life choices. Give her time. Stick by her side. She will eventually be there, and she will be one that you look back on and your will say to yourself "thank the lucky stars I never gave up". Wish my Mother was here, been gone nigh to 35 years, but I know if she could see me now, just like so many of us, she would be smiling, I was that mixed up bad girl, that well, right circumstances, and life changed around, smiling. She will probably kick this dude in the ass one day soon and tell him to hit the road. She's got better things to do with her life. Wait...time...could be years, but she has the sense from her parents running through her blood. With that, wishes for a beautiful day, CynthiaM.