Handcraft dilemma

Let's say you want to invest the time and money to make someone a handmade gift, but you know their lifestyle is going to render your efforts destroyed in short order, would you make them the object anyway?

It costs me hundred of dollars to make a queen size quilt, not to mention weeks and weeks of my time. I cringe when people let their cats and dogs on these quilts! While I want my loved one to have the gift of my time/money, I don't know that I want to spend that time/money to make a pet bed and a quilt that will live a severely shortened life as a result.

So would you make a costly and very time consuming gift for someone who was going to not look after it quite the way you want? Do you not make it, or make it and let your work be destroyed, if that's what the receiver chooses to do with it?

Send your quilt with a set of instructions to extend the life of this heirloom. Describe the amount of time invested and a do and don't list. (Do keep your dogs off...don't put in the barn loft as insulation.) Ultimately they will do what they will do, but you may want to sew in a sleeve that will hold a hanging dowel so people can hang it instead of sleep under it.

No. We generally don't give handcrafted things but I do have an example.

My mother likes nice bath stuff. So we used to get her nice stuff for Christmas and whatnot. REALLY nice bath stuff. Well one day we were visiting and helped to clean out the bathroom. Bottle after bottle and jar after jar of that nice bath stuff went into the garbage. Problem is that my mother is also a saver and wouldn't use it. "I'll save it for something special", well special never came and now it's trash. We don't waste money on it any more.

I guess my general meaning is that we try to match gifts to people that would give them proper use.

I think this is why cash and gift cards have become so popular. Not many people know who much time and effort goes into your thought or detail. I used to "keep" the special things then my sister "tooled" me for it. I bought it for you to use! USE IT. Ooops point taken.

On a completely different note because of these forums I have taken a much different outlook on quilters. I stop and admire the ladies that do the raffle tickets and all their hard work. Most of its because of what I have learnt here.

Long ago I noticed that gift giving and receiving was not the good feeling event it is supposed to be. I saw my mother disappointed countless times by the gifts my dad chose.or forgot to get. My Dad adored her but could never measure up at those times. My first husband was terrible at gift giving. I hated receiving the dozen roses that I knew his secretary had arranged to have sent to me, so we decided to not give each other gifts anymore. It was a huge revelation that forever changed the way I give. I was amazed at the change in our relationship. Our anniversary was transformed into a meaningful event where we shared time and feelings. When he died years later I was so grateful for those moments. I refuse now to give gifts at the 'expected' times. Last christmas no gifts were shared in my family. Our four kids aged 26 to 35 said it was the best Christmas we have ever had as a family. I really dislike the potential for bad feelings that comes along with gift giving for events like birthdays etc where there is so much expectation on both sides. I would not give the quilt because there is too much expectation of how it will be used. If you don't ,you won't have a reason to be angry or to dislike them My friend who is an Artist ,gave a painting to her Daughter for a wedding gift. They have always had a good and loving relationship.Daughter didn't like it and what ensued was a painful months long battle filled with anger and resentment.

I only give handmade gifts to people I know who make their own things. A baby quilt is appreciate by a fellow quilter; the new mom who shops at baby gap probably isn't going to view a handmade gift the same way. Handmade soap is appreciated by someone who obsessively cans their annual garden harvest, but is not necessarily enjoyed as much by someone who spends $40 a week on their fingernails.

I would make them a quilt, but tuck it away till they ask for one. Then they are ready to cherish it. I would not send it if I knew it was going to be destroyed, and would rather it sit in a closet or use it myself.

Or sell it...there is a growing market for these gems, and people out there are starting to value the time spent. They are coveted, preserved and displayed beautifully while being highly sought after and good money is paid by designers and collectors. Then you could have money in you pocket to spend on chickens or yourself, and enough to go buy them a dog bed for their dogs for Christmas.

I give alot of Handmade Gifts As it comes from the Heart ALot of the people are not Crafty people and are city people so dont do crafts or stuff like that But That does not really matter as . We all would like them to take care of them the way we would but that is not always the case We have made Star Blankets for people and they are on there couch being sat on by people and pets
But Like I said we give them from the heart  and dont give instructions
Just my Thoughts

Appway, I do include washing instructions with my handmade quilts, simply because laundering them incorrectly can leave you with a washing machine or traumatized fabric. Especially with king size quilts. Or it can leave you with a dead washing machine!

I have never included usage instructions other than to remind people if they hang a quilt on a wall where it gets direct sunlight, that will rot and fade the quilt very, very quickly. DIrect sun is very hard on fabrics. (they probably last longer insulating Sue's barn than they do in direct sunlight). But I have never told anyone NOT to let their pets on. Although, if you want a quilt to let your pets on you can purchase one at Walmart for far, far less than I can make one!

Maybe if people sleep with their animals I should remove them from my 'quilt' list, but put them on my fabric basket list? Less investment, less time and unless they own cats, no pet will be sleeping in it. ANd some people even make them big with the express purpose of them being cat beds. Cats seem to LOVE fabric baskets.

I struggle with this often....once I give a gift it is no longer "mine" and I don't have much say in how it is used. That said.... I put HOURS AND HOURS of work into many of the things I give as gifts. I hope those chosen to receive them will respect that and care for the item accordingly. I once spent Days on a wall hung shelf for my brother that included a beautiful, hand painted plaque with elk on it done by a local artist about 40 years ago. The shelf was barn board. the shelf was the top, the back below it was solid barn board with the plaque inset and below that were pegs made of antler to hang hats, keys etc on. Hubby and I worked for hours just to make sure all the fresh cut edges were hidden (I have a thing about new wood cuts showing on authentic barn board items) Truly one of the most beautiful pieces I have ever made and very much suited to my brother. It was a Christmas gift. They marveled at it that Christmas day and then I never saw it again.... It was never displayed. My sister in law disliked the fact I had purchased the plaque at an eclectic second hand store. (Where else do you find 40 yr old hand painted plaques?) She threw it away!!!!!! The little blankety blank blank actually threw it away!!!!!! I would have appreciated them being honest, saying it was something they would not use and giving it back to me. I would have been proud to hang it in my home, it really was lovely. I have sold similar items for 150 to 200 dollars that were not nearly as nice. Needless to say they have not been given a single hand made item since. I don't even give them my hand made cards.... nope...it's dollar store crap for them! side note, he has seen the light and found a divorce lawyer, finally!

Echo, that story makes me sad.

A gift is just that ..a gift.
It shouldn't come with rules, or caviats...
You have made something; thought about that person you made it for the whole time you made it, thinking of how they would like it and what they would think.
It doesn't matter that the dog sleeps on it...it is a gift..you have given it freely
That thing..no matter how tattered many years down the road will still make that someone think of you and the time you put into it.  It will touch their heart and that is what a gift is supposed to do
..well Echo.. i guess my comment comes thinking that people will be human beings...
i am sorry that happened to you..

I had found this gorgeous old jar, 5 gallon, old glass with a green blue hue to the glass and a lovely lid, it really was pretty; had lines going down the sides of it ...  filled it up with many different kinds of cookies for my son one Christmas.  He took it thanked me...said "I am not the fat little kid i once was you know"...then...later i found out he had dumped the jar during a move!...yikes...anyways..that was my lesson.
it is a gift..you give it freely...and sometimes life sucks

I like what Bigrock says. If I can't give it freely then I don't give it, cause it still has strings attached for me and I'll always jog back to that back story if I can't be free to begin with. I think that if the quilt was received, used and loved but seemingly abused, that is just dandy. I really think things are meant to be used and not kept as trophies. How groovy is it that that person whom you deem dear enough to you that you want to give something really lovely and something you have invested untold hours in to, that they can be wrapped up in your love via a quilt made by your own hands and focus, that is pretty stellar. Your energy has gone in to that thing, says a whole lot to my way of thinking. Easy for me to think this way cause I make things and think they are the best gifts most of the time. But at the end of the day, if I can't let it go to be theirs to do with as they will, then I think I would keep it for another time or situation. Seems kind of harsh in a way but at the same time, got to be true to yourself and the people you intend to give to. Better you don't resent them and give them something else instead. I would not want to be the recipient of someone elses emotional entanglement - that is not a gift I don't think. Bah. emotional burdens suck.

Would really love to see your quilt   . I have been on sewing machine trails today. Really beginning to get into the game. Instead of looking at knitting patterns I looked at sewing patterns, trying to find that wrap around skirt pattern from the 70's that in my mind only exists in thrift shops! Please can we see the quilt?

Hmmm...I once found a wheel thrown teapot I had made as a gift specifically for a friend, unused at the Value Village.

If it will cause you angst to think someone won't appreciate a gift you have made, don't give them one.

I had such angst but for more selfish reasons. I had been making a bunch of bluebird houses and wifey gave one to brother-in-law. I was sure he wouldn't care for it. He's the sort that would prefer something made in a Chinese factory rather than hand made. Sure enough, I saw it sitting in their garage 2 years later. Didn't really care that he hadn't used it so much as I would have liked to use it myself.   

Schipperkesue wrote:Hmmm...I once found a wheel thrown teapot I had made as a gift specifically for a friend, unused at the Value Village.

If it will cause you angst to think someone won't appreciate a gift you have made, don't give them one.  

I hope you bought it back :-). I always seek and sift through the crockery at value village to see if I can find lovely artisan created pottery, some people don't have their heads screwed on straight when it comes to hand crafted things - perfect example Sue. There is nothing nicer than a cuppa tea from a hand made tea pot. We sent one of my fathers tpots to my husbands parents for a Christmas present once. They respected and loved it for sure but they put it behind a piece of glass in a cabinet and I doubt it has been used once. Hid tea pots are nice for sure but they are so nicely made, no drips down the spout or anything. It used to make me angry that they don't use it but they probably prefer fine bone china or something. I have since let it go. Each to their own. But when in NZ I would find pottery treasures and snaffle them up like a pirate. I don't see so many nice things in the thrift shops here but occasionally find something. What is your stamp/mark? send pic via pm or email? sorry Uno. hijacking again - grrrr.

Not at all, no hijacking going on.

Sue, I find your story mortifying! I would have cried.

If I BUY you something that I have invested nothing in and you toss/abuse it, fine, no strings attached. But if I spend many months and many hundred of dollars for something that will be treated poorly...I admit I have a hard time doing that. I definitely want my quilts to be USED, and used well and as often as weather permits. (not best on hot, hot summer nights) But ABUSED is another thing, in my mind.

As I have said many times before, I would rather give a quilt to someone who will treasure it (and use it) than sell it to someone who has no idea what its true value is. I am very selective about who gets a quilt these days. But when they get it, it is theirs.

Magdelan, I have no specific quilt in mind when I made this post. It is just an issue that I struggle with. I know there are many talented and craftsy people on this site, that some of us fill these long winter months with handiwork. Wanted to know how others feel/deal with this issue. I am making a quilt for Horse Daughter, but it's super ugly and I don't think I"ll be posting pics.

Uno, I doubt it could be as ugly as you say. I wanna know what you think is ugly now   . Another time maybe :-).

Actually Uno, I laughed!  And I left it there, Magdelan because I have plenty of pots.

So I left it for someone like you!

This is my mark...an S in a square.

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uno wrote:Not at all, no hijacking going on.

Sue, I find your story mortifying! I would have cried.

If I BUY you something that I have invested nothing in and you toss/abuse it, fine, no strings attached. But if I spend many months and many hundred of dollars for something that will be treated poorly...I admit I have a hard time doing that. I definitely want my quilts to be USED, and used well and as often as weather permits. (not best on hot, hot summer nights) But ABUSED is another thing, in my mind.

As I have said many times before, I would rather give a quilt to someone who will treasure it (and use it) than sell it to someone who has no idea what its true value is. I am very selective about who gets a quilt these days. But when they get it, it is theirs.

Magdelan, I have no specific quilt in mind when I made this post. It is just an issue that I struggle with. I know there are many talented and craftsy people on this site, that some of us fill these long winter months with handiwork. Wanted to know how others feel/deal with this issue. I am making a quilt for Horse Daughter, but it's super ugly and I don't think I"ll be posting pics.

Schipperkesue wrote:Actually Uno, I laughed!  And I left it there, Magdelan because I have plenty of pots.

So I left it for someone like you!

This is my mark...an S in a square.

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Ok now you 2 are going to post some pictures of your work from the heart. I have a hard time giving up hand made heirlooms made with blood sweat and tear for Chinese piece of crap which have no meaning. Anyone can go to a store and buy Chinese crap and wrap it up with at card. Only a select few have the Skill and Creative intuition to make gifts that should be gifted down to the next generations to remember you by.
I would like to Thank-You 2 for posting some pictures of your blood sweat and tears.
Regards kimball

BCBoy, I think I made a post of my pots somewhere, and I believe Uno has posted her quilts! Must look!

thank you for posting your mark Sue. Now I will know what to look for :-). I looked for Uno's quilts, found your bump too. I am jazzed and rearing to go with the sewing machine now.

SUE! You stinker! I had hoped to never see those things again! Agh! My eyes! My eyes!

I am embarrassed.

NOTE: I made the quilt in my avatar. I will admit this one turned out pretty darn good, by my standards.

What embarrassed, I will take one of those and it won't end up at value village.
Nice work and thanks for sharing.

uno wrote:SUE! You stinker! I had hoped to never see those things again! Agh! My eyes! My eyes!

I am embarrassed.

NOTE: I made the quilt in my avatar. I will admit this one turned out pretty darn good, by my standards.

I love that one in your avatar. I don't think the others are ugly either. I love the one with your mothers embroidery, looks like a baby quilt? That is a very cool idea. I am totally inspired to get sewing now Uno! Is this what people talk about when they use the word "enabling" ?