Time for trying, trying times.

Admittedly, I’m incredibly disheartened.

The past few weeks have compounded the past few months of crap and utter chaos that struck Moose and I and it has rather come to a head.

A few weeks ago in passing conversations with Uno, I mentioned that, for the first time, I was bitter about the farm. It wasn’t lasting, but I was feeling desperately bitter, and it was surprising. I was truly annoyed and put off by caring for the animals, having them rush me through my morning or get up early when in the 2 years prior 40 below wouldn’t keep me from digging my way through 6 foot drifts to feed, water and sit with the birds.

We finally got a truck for the acreage. I bought it from a lady at work. An 88 GMC Sierra with a little over 62,000 original kilometers, great shape, new battery and ignition cylinder and only really needed new tires, and maybe the breaks before winter. Someone offered us a riding lawn mower, older but working, and Moose thought what a great bit of timing. He dropped his visiting Mom off at the airport, spent the day with a friend, picked up the tractor, watched the UFC fights and got nailed by an old man.

That’s right. Totalled the truck. The truck, and the mower. And all I could think was thank the stars he’s alive. Hurt and sore, but alive.

The goats have tried my patience and my fences more than I can bear. I watched them yesterday, playing on the structure I put together to amuse them and I watched Walter leap and kick, and ram heads with Gretel so hard that I could hear the crack of their skulls together. And I laughed and smiled and thought, “I love those goats.” But do I? They’re for sale, how much, truly, can I love them. They’re incredible smarts has been my downfall. Their penchant to be animals, freely grazing to return to the comforts of the porch, shack, hood of the car or BBQ burner is overwhelmingly natural while intensely inconvenient. The relationship with the chickens is a mutual one of using each other; I give them shelter (though leaky) and they stay and allow me to predate them and their eggs, it’s a win win.

After the loss of a couple important chicks to what I thought was Cocci was also disheartening. These birds were meant for the breeding projects and I was annoyed and saddened to have lost them, though I know that’s how it goes. Another loss and I was worried that my cure-all treatment from last year for Cocci wasn’t working. Two days ago I stepped into the coop and to the breeding pen to feed and water the birds to find 3 more dead in a pile, though none from the project birds. They were all in the same pen as the other 3 had been. In a pile. And then I realized the duck drake we have in the pen was killing them. I removed the survivors immediately. Yesterday, one of the birds had found some hole in the fence, or the drake had broken a hole into it, and it had gotten into the drake’s side and was dead. I completely removed their pen access and put them out in general population to fend for themselves. They’re big enough and if they’re not, well, they’d better grow up quick.

To top off the drama and feeling of senseless mayhem, I am still entrenched with 3 puppies I never planned to still have not found homes for, with the possibility that another will be coming back to us because the owner’s son is allergic. She’s been there for 4 months and this will upset both the dog and the young boy. 8 dogs. 8. And with some farmer irresponsibly dumping cow carcasses in a slew, it has been a terrible escapade keeping them from running away and has resulted in hundreds of dollars being spent to pen, restrain and confine the dogs so they can’t run away, all of which have been relatively unsuccessful. Next payday, they will be staked and tied, another hundred dollar investment on dogs I can’t even –give- away.

And yet I love them. I love the goats and I love the farm. Despite my garden being torn apart and eaten clean, despite hating them when they run away or break fences, I can’t imagine myself anywhere else. To be without goats and puppies getting into trouble would be peaceful and hollow all at once. I suppose this farming thing isn’t about the times you love it, it’s about being able to move past the times you hate it.

Ooohhh Sweetened, so many times I have wanted to start a topic entitled, 'Is Love Enough?'  I have not, for fear if insulting someone.  Yet here you are, speaking my very words!

The more you have, the more trouble you have.  More vehicles means more insurance, more repairs, more money! More depreciation!  More animals means more work, more food, more housing, more fencing, more time!

And of course you love them!  You love the good things about them.  It is easy to love that part, but you have to also tolerate the bad things.  The unpredictable events, the inability to sell them when you can't keep them, the sicknesses, the deaths.  The two go hand in hand.  

When I started with animals, every life was precious, right down to the depressed chick that I did everything for but ended up dying and leaving a big hole in my heart.  Why?  Why was that one so special?  Well of course it was because I had spent so much time with it, working with it, it's death was extra harsh.

Am I heartless now that I can put bash half a dozen newborn chicks after a hatch without a second thought because they are splay legged?  No.  It must be done to preserve the strength of the breed.  Am I a monster because I can take a two day old lamb from its crying mother and without tears kill it with the flat part of an axe by smashing the solid axe head against the back of its skull.  No.  In retrospect I even laugh at myself for considering trying to splint up that lamb.  There was no saving it.  It had spina bifida, could not defecate on its own and constantly had urine running down its legs due to the nerve separation in its backbone.

If the unhappy moments of farm and animal ownership outweigh the happy ones, it may be time to rethink your venture.  There is no shame in it.  It is hard to envision the whole room when you begin by looking in a tiny window.

Bless you for your honesty.  My future topic ”Is Love Enough?" Would have been aimed at those who do not have your perception or understanding of what is happening to them and believe that it is enough just to love your animals and everything will work out all right.

Sue, I ask you, define your terms. What is love, as it applies to farming and farm animals? Is love splinting the broken leg of a lamb? Giving it that one opportunity to heal? Is that love?  Or is love seeing that is has a spinal deformation and that there is NO hope and ending its life by bashing it on the head. Is that love?

I believe that when it comes to animals, love is pretty practical. Kind, but with backbone. To my way, love is doing what you reasonably can in cases where there is some reasonable hope, and doing what you must when there is no hope. The hard and real part of love comes in having the balls to know the difference and acting instead of standing around kicking the sand, moaning and whining, when it's time to pull the trigger, swing the axe or call the vet. THe people I find most offensive are those who know damn well their animal is suffering, but are too stunned to end the suffering. Oh no, as long as poor Betsy or Bowser can half drag their aching body to the food and water, they are still having quality of life.... (insert expletive here)

I think maybe what Sweetened is experiencing is what I call 'dressing room agony'. Trying on different things, different farming undertakings, to see which one is going to fit and which isn't. Due to land, finances and existing infrastructure, some of us have a harder time getting the kinks out of our animal husbandry. As in, "Honey, does goat herding make my ass look big?" And by ass you all know I mean burro.

Sweetened and Moose are young and ambitious and it's going to take a while to get their groove on, farm wise, I think. If they want to do it all they're going to have to find a way to fence it, keep it out of old wells, prevent it from killing others or eating dead things off property. IF they get that ironed out, it will be smooth sailing. But maybe they will decide there is one too many things on their wish list and they will have to cross something off. Here, with this hostile slab of bedrock with no pasture and no way to build respectable fences, the thing I had to let go of was cooking dinner. Forever. Yes, that does make perfect sense. 

Some small scale farmers are deep into diversifying, others into focused streamlining. It takes a while, I think, to figure out how it's going to work for you. But it's agonizing, disappointing, like being in a dressing room and really wanting to look good in that bikini but oh, wow, that ship has sailed! And sunk.  It's a struggle, there will be crying and drinking, just like clothes shopping.

Sweetened, it all looks and feels like a mess right now. But a picture will emerge with you as the artist, and when it does, it will be the portrait that you need it to be. Faith. And fences. You'll find your way. Take heart. Glad Moose is okay and sorry about the truck...as to the other problems, damn animals!

It must the year for hard ships.
Last year hubby was off for many months with 3 surgeries
so that left me doing house yard barn.
But this year he is back at work but out in Kitimat gone for
6 weeks home for 1.  First in November I took a realy good
fall on the ice you know feet up in the air then hit the ground hard.
Ok but didn't feel to bad.  Then a few months later I did something
to my left knee can not bend it or walk right.  Doctor xrays its ok
must be torn ligaments take anti inflamitories come back in a month.
Have not had time to go back.  And in the mean time I get what I
think is a cold but it gets worse and worse.  Then one day I can
hardly make it to the barn gasping for air coughing spitting etc.
Throw out some hay come in house sleep for a few hours then back
out to finish chores.  Next day I go to the walk in clinic and I have
broncitis and ashma.  He give me a bunch of medication.  I would realy
like to crawl into bed for a few days but I am the only one here.  This
is all happening at the worst time the goats are kidding I have two that
I am bottle feeding four times a day I have chicks hatching ducks hatching
and turkeys hatching.  So the last few month have been rough and I have
decided to sell of a few of the older does and cut back even further than
last year.  The grass is about a foot tall tried to do some with the weed
wacker today but it is too wet.  Think I will hire someone.  Oh I did hire
a couple of young adults to clean the barn as I just could not.  They worked
for the day but did not finish the back boys shelter.  I asked did they want
me to pay them for the work done or just pay them in full when they come
back and finish.  Reply pay us when we come back.  That was weeks ago
and have not heard a thing have left messages no reply.
Guess I am finishing the boys.
Anyway I do love my goats and all my birds but I am cutting to only what
I can handle in a bad situation.  I think if they were all gone what would I do!!!
Hope things get better Sweetened just don't rush into decisions when things
are bad as you may regret it later.
Take care Kathi

I think many people get into this... thing (farming, hobby, authentic living, whatever you wish to call it) bright eyed and bushy tailed.  They believe it all happens easily, the dishes clean themselves and things don't struggle when they die; you just need to wave your finger and things file into place, chickens into the freezer and dandelions out of the grass for a perfectly manicured lawn.  Not me.  I took off the rose coloured glasses and realized things are not all unicorns and rainbow farts.

I made decisions before I purchased my birds spur of the moment.  I decided if it lived here, it must have have a purpose dead as well as alive.  Chickens, turkeys, ducks, geese and guineas lay eggs, control bug populations and give meat and fertilizer; goats, cows and sheep produce manure, meat, milk, hides and offspring; rabbits produce skins, prolific amounts of ready to use manure, meat and exponential offspring.  Were we to get Alpacas or Llamas, they would provide meat, fiber and protection; and pigs would till the land, provide manure and meat.  If there was a pleasure animal here, it would be horses, but my horse would work the land with me and help me learn mindfulness like no other experience can teach you the way bonding with a horse does.  I kill one of every type of animal I owned before I'd be allowed to send it for hands off butcher, because I should know what it's like to take that animal down.

I would work in harmony with nature and I would learn to observe and understand the way she works like I had never done before.  I would learn the cycle of life and all that that contained; and I am learning.

We knew when we got into this, there were things we needed that we didn't have.  As things progressed and came here, we built fences and pens, got guardians, put down animals and harvested life.  But the world has a way of teaching things, lessons, to both animal and you.  Winter taught the goats that if it's juuuuust in your way, you can leap over it.  Once it got too high, failed attempts at jumping caused the fence to yield and they learned to crash with all their might, knowing the end result, with enough effort, is unrestricted browsing.  Is that fence good enough?  Sure it is, so build it twice as good as it is now, just in case.

IT's never been rose coloured, but it sure has been easier mentally.  I think I'm just at one of those points where my job beats me down and then I feel like the world is out to get me whether that's the case or not.  I heard someone say the success to their marriage was neither party fell out of love at the same time.  Really, a person is married to their farm.  I suppose I just didn't think we'd be so alone on this, that we would be able to find someone who'd be willing and able to stay at the farm so we could go to BC once or twice a year in trade for eggs and fresh milk, but everyone wrinkles their nose and Moose and I live separate family lives.

No matter what, until you're in it, there are things you will miss in your list of stuff to understand.  I have no desire to leave the farm, but, equally, my desire to stay has waivered briefly while I wander with my head hung. I think love is knowing when the battle is over, if that means life or death, stay or go, it's being able to look past the inconveniences to the quality of life. And thats a treacherous bridge over troubled water that each person must pass on their own.

I can't even read all the posts so far. Know that I am with you.

I just finished reading “Gaining Ground – A Story of Farmer’s Markets, Local Food, and Saving the Family Farm” by Forrest Pritchard  (great read!!)
 
When I started this chapter, I immediately thought about you.
 
“For absolutely no good reason at all, I decided to start raising goats.
Goats are, beyond a doubt, the most frustrating and capricious of all the farm animals I have ever encountered.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like goats.  At one point, many years later, we built our flock to more than a hundred head.  They’re well suited for our farm, hungrily gobbling down nettles, ivies, and thorny bushes that our cattle dismiss without as much as a nibble.  Goats are hardy, grow quickly, and have distinctive and charming personalities.
But I soon learned that goats reliably commit the most mind-boggling, annoying, pull-your-hair-out acts of counterproductiveness, and eventually I decided having them on the farm was bad for my nerves.”
 
Ha ha.  When I read that I thought of how you might also at the place where your goats were bad for your nerves.  I was at that place once.
 
There’s the bucolic side of farming when all is well and the weather is fine.  Then there is the reality of farming, when nothing goes right, animals get sick, the water is frozen and it all becomes so overwhelming and one big test of endurance and NOT ONE BIT FUN!
 
I think when we start out in these farming ventures, we get seduced by the visions in our head that somehow are always mid summer on the finest of days or thoughts that when one or two are so much fun that 4 or 5 will surely be 4 to 5 times funner.  Ummmm NOT! (well sometimes, but not always )
 
The reality never hits until are dealing with the day-to-day realities of the vision in our heads.  I think the key to this farming thing (at least for me) is to start small, build slow, try new ventures in small chewable bites and let go of the things that don’t work for whatever reason.  And don’t feel like a failure if it doesn’t work out.  Maybe the timing just isn’t right.
 
Once in a while I think, maybe I should get goats again.  Then I think of my pygmy goats that wouldn’t stay in their enclosure for love nor money and I remember  how happy I was when someone adopted them and loaded them into their crew cab baaing and pooping all the way to their new home.  My milk goats were fantastic (pre pygmy goat experience), so I’m jest a little gun shy now J

Oh, Sweetened, I am with you.  Today  I came home from work in the pouring rain and went out to feed my birds. I have a hen that has been raising 12 chicks for the last few weeks. Each day I open their tractor so they can run around the yard, but today I didn't, because it has been pouring all day.  The problem is some of the little buggers can squeeze out through the wire, then they run all over the top of the cage looking for a way to get back in.  I used some berry netting to try and keep them in, but they were still getting out.  Today I found one hanging on the side, one foot tangled in the berry netting, dead. So sad. If only I had just let them out to run around the yard...

Before we got our LGD's coyotes would often come for the goats and sheep. Each time I would say 'that's it, let's sell them all'! It was always so heart-breaking to find their bodies broken with little bits of them strewn across the field. I did end up selling my 2 perfectly lovely St. Croix ewes. The lady came and paid me very good money for them, my asking price, then asked me to deliver them because they didn't have a truck.  We arrived to find they had 5 acres with 2 old draft horses, several sheep and goats, and a few calves.  Way too many animals for the nubs of grass that were left.  They were feeding hay in the summertime. I wanted to turn around and take them straight home again, but I had the money in the bank and what would we tell these people, so we off-loaded them and drove away with them looking at us, questioningly.  We still feel guilty, and that was 2 years ago... This year we ended up getting 2 more ewes, because we have the dogs now, and haven't lost any goats in some time.

I had Guineas once. A family friend had them when I was a kid, and I thought they were so cool, and eggs were at the auction, so I hatched a bunch.  Hubby calls them 'annoying birds'.  I had to get rid of them when I couldn't stand him bitching about the racket anymore. This spring ticks were everywhere.  Sure wished I still had them...

Round and round, and round we go.  Where we'll stop... Well, you know the rest. 

We also take separate family visits here. Once in awhile we'll take a vacation if we can talk a friend into staying at the farm for a week.  For my son's wedding I hired my horse-trainer to stay at the house for 3 days.

Hubby is happiest when he is taking his goats for a walk. I don't think he felt really useful before we started farming. The food situation is getting scarier, and scarier, so I LOVE that I can grow it myself and know exactly what went into it.  We both wouldn't want any other kind of life, that's for sure. When kids come to visit, its the BEST! There's nothing better than kids inter-acting with animals. Oh, and I do have a horse, but I haven't taught her to pull anything yet.  I keep meaning to, just haven't got around to it in the 5 years I've had her.  She's my first ever horse, and I've been wanting one since I was spinning around with my eyes shut throwing wishing rocks over my shoulder, and that's a LONG ass time!

The problem with the dogs is probably because they are crosses.  Crossing an LGD with another type of LGD is ok, because the result will still be an LGD. Crossing with anything else will give unpredictable results. Our Maremma knocked up our German Shepherd last year, but she is older, so only had 2 pups, luckily.  I roped my son into taking one for my grandson and gave another away to an acquaintance for his kids. My sons dog is really smart and lovely, but he doesn't care if she can look after livestock, and they have a 1/2 acre for her to run around on, so no biggy. LGD's don't make good city pets because they are too independent. As your pups age you'll be able to tell which ones will work for guardians, so will be able to better market those ones as such.  You'll also be able to see which ones are more obedient, and so will make better pets. When they are pups its a real gamble for anyone taking them on.

Anyway, I really feel your pain, and this too will pass.

Hugs.



Hang in there, Sweetened. As has been said, you will find your groove.

I tried to think of something encouraging to say, but came up with squat.

I guess ... take it all as a learning experience. You're young (I think) - there's a lot of living left for you to do before you have to have everything figured out. Sometimes things go to absolute sh!t before they get better. As long as you're learning and not repeating mistakes ... call it a win.

Not meaning to hijack, but as I read these great posts, a question comes to mind. How many here had parents who farmed?

Both Hub and I have farming backgrounds. WHen we married he drew his line in the sand. "There will be no making of hay and no shooting of cows.!"  It was a struggle for me to even get chickens, and a stretch again to talk him into meat birds. We BOTH had taken part in chicken killing as children and there wasn't a rose coloured glass anywhere. We knew what it was all about.

I saw the life my mother lived, the life of a farm wife. Not a housewife, but a farmwife. SHE WAS NEVER DONE WORKING. There was always some catastrophe to deal with, lunch to be hauled out across 4000 acres, or some hired hand who'd gone out checking fences 16 hours ago and wasn't back yet. Hub also grew up humping hay onto wagons while his friends went to the beach.

We knew. I wonder how many here come to this rural lifestyle with no farming background?

uno wrote:Not meaning to hijack,

Do so any time. Conversations evolve. It'll come back around, you watch.

I have a reply to this, I just need to think it out a little when I sleep and on the morning ride into work, I think there's more of an answer to it than "no".

Also, I read "Humping wagons" 3 times before I finally read 'hay onto' in there.

Uno, I came from no farming background. Just a life of cats in a small town. A pet dog as a kid that we had to give away because we couldn't keep him in the yard. No growing vegetables, no horses, birds, or goats.

Hillbilly, you're a boy wonder. I wonder, are you a boy?

I come from a mixed background. Both of my grandmothers are farmers daughters, and growing up, one set of grandparents had a chunk of land where we spent most of our weekends and vacations. We always had animals of all kinds - I grew up breeding budgies, CKC German Shepherds, CKC Yorkies, plus the usual pets like guinea pigs and turtles and fish and snakes. Always tons of animals. Lots of responsibility and animal-related chores, from a very young age. In my teenage years, we moved to an acreage where I got into horses. 

I can't truly say I come from a farm background, but I also wouldn't ever call myself a city person. I can't tolerate the city or city people.

Dated/chased cowboys in high school but married a farmer, and now proudly raising a couple of farm girls of my own. With a little luck and a lot of hard work,  I hope they grow up to be just like their momma. The 7 year old is already using power tools and building stuff, so I think we're on the right track.

I grew up in the city, daughter and grand daughter of European immigrants, with NO animals at all.

Uno, my definition of love is the same as yours and I cannot bear to see an animal suffer if it can be prevented.  I shall have to address my, 'Is Love Enough?' statement later.

I came from a farm background.  That's why I have a job.  I love the farm lifestyle but I watched my parents work themselves to the bone for next to nothing.  I'll take the steady paycheque thanks.  I can play at what I like in my spare time.

So sorry about your troubles.  I loved goats but they just wouldn't stay in my pens.  That's why I have sheep now. 

Glad that Moose is OK (or as OK as you can be after an old man drives into you).  Surely the old man's insurance will do something for your lost truck and mower?

Sweetened wrote:

Also, I read "Humping wagons" 3 times before I finally read 'hay onto' in there.

Well....thanks for that good morning laugh.  Now I can finish reading the posts and make one of my own, have a beautiful day, CynthiaM.

uno wrote:Hillbilly, you're a boy wonder. I wonder, are you a boy?

Oh boy, I am getting a whole bunch of laughing in this morning, come on....I wanna finish reading the rest of the posts, smiling that big smile, have beautiful days!!  CynthiaM.

Farming background, this is an interesting query, was that you Uno?  Can’t remember who asked the question, too lazy to go back and look.  Sweetened has addressed some stuff that stirs the very hearts of us, so many I know, have probably tried different critters, decided that they did or did not want to carry on with that variety of critters.  Each will find their own comfort zone one day, or one would hope that will come to pass.  There is so much to learn about so many things, and a lifetime would probably not even be enough time to learn all that we wish to know.  Doesn’t matter.  Find the zone where you are comfortable, find out how much time you want or do not want to take to care for these that you love.  Not too many words can really be said.  I have had many different types of animals throughout my lifetime, and there are a few that I choose now to only have.  And I have one type.  Chickens.  I yearn to have a small family milk cow, I would like that to come to pass one day.  I would like to have ducks and turkeys.  That is about it.  I have had experience with many other species of life, and all of them I do not want in my life again.  Particularly goats, smiling.  Been there, done that, not again.
 
I wonder what I consider myself.  What is a farmer anyways?  I think I am a farmer.  I think, but not sure.  So I will say that I am I guess.  I think I come from a farmer background.  My Father’s side, Swedish, is not farm related.  None of the family, save my Auntie, now passed, worked the land.  She did.  I remember her gardens of food and especially her raspberry patch. She lived on Vancouver Island, in Courtenay, when Courtenay was a very small place.  I remember going to the place called Forbidden Plateau and picking blueberries.  Beautiful memories.
 
My maternal side, farmer all from the get go.  Grandmother lived in White Rock, on a road called Brown Road. All farming acres, trees for miles across the opposite side of the road that they lived on.  In that forest, across from their home was a little meadow in that forest.  Still remember that was where Daisy the cow spent alot of time, must have been a big meadow, can’t recall that, but I clearly remember that meadow, because it scared me.  It was such a beautiful clearing in the bush.  Think my Mother’s Brothers all probably would have done that by hand, clearing land....as had my Grandfather to make his homestead for his family.  The timber from the land had made the log house, crude home, remember that.  For insulation between the wooden slab walls was newspaper. Yep....we be goin’ back 50 years, give or take. Poor folk, made do with what they had. But there was love, and a fire and a good cook.  Wood stoves, for heat and cooking, lots of timber. 
 
My Grandmother farmed the land, she had a garden and had raised her 13 children in that home.  A home of love and warmth, clearly remember that.  There were goats, don’t remember much about that, and there was birds of some sort...probably chickens.  My Mamma always had flower gardens, some selective food type stuff, like tomatoes, but not a full fledged garden.  She loved to get her hands dirty, and kept chickens off and on.  As time grew and I grew, I also worked the land, and always have.  I have always had vegetable gardens.  Except for one year when we lived in a subdivision for about 3 years.  I hated it. But still had a little food, tomatoes, easy to grow in containers.  Then back to the land, when we moved from that hideous subdivision to our acreage in Maple Ridge.  Worked the land big time there.  Dabbled with chickens, turkeys and ducks.  But always made food in the garden and preserved always that bounty.  Now...is this farming background?  I think kind of.  I know that I have always had earth experiences from a wee lass upward through life.  Did you know that there is a beautiful thing that happens with some soil microbes (I am using this loosely as I can’t fully remember) that react with the hands’ chemicals in that soil, which causes serotonin to be released?  I wish I could remember where I was reading that, but evidently true, research has proven it, gads, wish I could remember where I read that, I will find it again one day, to back up what I say.  I think this is why some people are so stoked to get down and dirty in gardens, letting those hands have the very earthen antidepressant to do a work and a wonder.  Get your hands dirty.  Gotta be why there are so many earth workers, gardeners, call them what you will.
 
Sweetened, even though you don’t have a garden.  Go get some dirt. Put your hands in some dirt and make some planters.  Up high were the goats can’t reach them and get some little food things growing in there.  Do it. Get those hands dirty with dirt and let those little things in the dirt release lots of serotonin for you, I’m doing that happy dance....I have to go and do some weeding today in my veggie garden, and my hands are going to be COVERED in dirt, smiling.   Bring it I say.  Oh and we get to eat some stuff from the garden tonight for dinner.  Thinking more Swiss chard thinning, some garlic leaves and scapes to mix in with that.
 
Oh boy, have I rambled off topic I think, but nothin’ can stop me now. Time to let someone else add to this topic, I have done gone said enough.  Have a beautiful day, CynthiaM.

How great you all are! Even a troubling times post acn be turned into something light and loving.
I like the dressing room analogy. Strikes me as so true. In 5 years on the "farm" I have tried several different paths. Some worked for me, most did not.

I was not raised on a farm, neither was my man. He lived on an acreage for a while but only with a dog and cat.
My grandparents on onw side were farmers so when I was young I went there once in a while but not every year. There were no animals except cats and dogs then.

I hope everyone will find their way to "happiness". That means so many different things depending on the person.

My answer is still no.  

Recently I learned my Grandma used to own 'white goats' as a child that they milked and butchered.  She said they used to stay in their tine 400sqft house with her parents and 4 siblings in the winter and live behind the wood stove.  She was delighted to hear I had goats.

My Grandpa has memories given to him by stories being told of when he was young and plowed the farm after being released from quarantine.  His mother died of TB, and he spent 3 years as an orphan, living in a quarantine zone in the hospital because that's just how it was handled then.  He was adopted by the Lockheart family in Ontario and he worked the farm as a labor boy as many adopted children did.  He was loved, and they loved him, and that's truly what matters; hard worked never really hurt anybody as a person, and I think more children would be better off if they learned that from as young an age as our elders.

I didn't know, still rather don't know, my Father's side.  I know my grandma was half Black Foot nation, but I know little else about that side of the family.  Perhaps they owned farms, perhaps they brokered liquor, that's for the history books I suppose.

My Mom instilled something in me from a young age, and I think it led me towards this farming thing from the get-go: Always be kind to animals, and never let anyone tell you what to believe.  Oh yes, and llama's spit.  Watching the things I watched with her poor life decisions also pushed me into great independence very young.  

Farming is a solitary venture, really.  There are people that can relate to you, but there are either hours in the fields, in the dirt, or with the animals, often spent alone or with little company.  Few community farms exist today as they used to many years ago.  I wanted a sense of control in my life, and yet my manic mentality has wrenched much of that away despite.  If I could keep my brain in check, I would be able to fully acknowledge how in control it makes me feel to know I raise my own food, despite all the trouble they cause, but I am not level headed.  The farm allows me to make choices, and is a way for me to hide away from the world, it allows me the distinct option of 'not' and 'can't'.  "I'm not coming, I have animals to take care of."  "Sorry, I can't attend this work lunch on the weekend, I have a farm.  You know how it is."  People accept it with little protest.  It makes me wonder if they're glad I made the excuse, or if they just assume the magnitude of work far exceeds what I lead them to believe.

From a young age, I told everyone who would listen I was going to be a Vet in the morning, a farmer in the afternoon, an artist in the evening and a writer at night.  My Grandma would ask, "When will you sleep," and I would tell her there would not be enough time for sleep.

So many thoughts on this and not knowing were to start!!

I grew up with two working parents on what I would now consider a hobby farm.  Back then everyone considered it a farm.  Some fruit trees, couple of steers for the freezer, big veggie garden that dad grew, horses and German Shepherds that mum raised and haying every summer.  I learned a bunch about hard work as if I wanted horses and a dog it was my business to care for them.  I did it all.

I wasn't allowed chickens cause mum hated them when she was a kid, but I had budgies and other assorted rodent type pets.  I also raised many baby birds in my time.  Now to remember where I was going with this.......The 'farming' life, that's right.......

I have been a ranching wife for 20ish years now.  I think the romance of it is what draws people in.  This ideal they have in their mind and their 'love' for animals.  They think that working at home on their schedule is living the dream.  They forget that farming and ranching is a business.  Not an easy one at that.  It is not about cute animals hangin' out, it is about animals and crops that pull their weight and earn a living, just like we earn a living with hard work.  There are never weekends off, it is a 7 day a week thing.  Yes, you can sneak away for the odd midweek day if you need to but then that days work is added to the next......sigh.

When you have a hobby farm and work off the land, sometimes the work at home can be a pleasure.  It is what you do to relax.  It is a break from your work life and a stress reliever.  When you are full time on the land, there is never a break, it is all the time.  Things are never done and calving rolls into irrigating and haying that rolls into getting the cows home and weaning that rolls into winter feeding that rolls into calving........  Seems always chasing something and never catching up.

It is about 'lifestyle' but it shouldn't have the romance attached to it that it does.  I think that is what suckers us into working or butts off for a pittance.  Would I want another life, some days when it is really over whelming I would, but I think on a whole I couldn't really imagine living another way.  This life is full of really hard decisions and tough choices.  You have to harden your heart because things like your favourite cow coming home not pregnant, happen.  You watch the old girl loaded onto the truck......

I think what Fowler does is the right thing.  If I was to do it again I may choose the model my parents set for me.  Find a really good job and play at farming.  None of the pressures of having to be productive, and still a taste of the lifestyle.  This is kind of how I approach my chickens and it takes the pressure off.

I think the biggest mistake people stepping into it for the romance make is not having the right facilities to house the animals they choose.  We hear this all the time with people new to chickens, the larger the animal the higher the demands.  Money spent on good fences and proper handling facilities for the animal you choose is never a waste.  To many people just think you need grass and they will stay where you want then too.  You know the grass is always greener.......

We have a neighbour here that has cows he breeds every year.  Not a lot, just a hand full.  He has just some shoddy fences and NO handling facilities.  When a cow gets a sore foot and needs treating, he calls the neighbour to help.  What could be a 10 minute job with the right set up, turns into an afternoon affair.  I can tell you the neighbour he calls is a handy cattleman, but he is not a magician.  Calving time is the same thing.  Trouble calving, call the neighbour.  Sick cow, call the neighbour. Sick calf, call the neighbour.  Each time it is a half day ordeal, I can tell you who is getting sick of it!  Why does this fellow even have cows????

You do not feel half the pressure of farming or ranching if you have the right set up to begin with.  Any enterprise is the same.  How many of you hump water to you chickens every winter and have electric cords running over the snow.  I know I do, I don't have the ideal set up, yet.  I bet the people that have water and power at their coops already are just smiling about this.  They have the proper set up and don't feel as overwhelmed in the winter like I do.  (actually it is not too bad for me, I keep my numbers manageable because I know I am not set up properly)

I hope this didn't come off preachy.  It was not meant to.  Just trying to get people that are thinking of getting into something to think a bit more.  Do research, what do you really need to do it right?  Can you afford to do it right?  If not, maybe look into something else that will be a little easier and cheaper.  Never let anyone talk you into an animal saying they are easy.  They are only easy if you are set up properly for them.

It is certainly true that acquiring the animals is the easy and fun part.  Many people, I believe, become addicted to the high of acquiring a new animal.  Fortunately I don't think that applies to anyone here.

Unfortunately that means that people have animials without the means to contain or often feed and water them and a spur of the moment purchase becomes a huge expense in time.

Right now I am organizing my new hatchlings.  Lots of cages and many tiny waterers and feeders make for a big job every evening after school.  If I have things organized right by the end of the weekend I will have my time for chores cut in half by moving and amalgamating birds, and by providing larger feeders and waterers.

However, no matter how you try to think things through, those animals always throw you a curve ball and find a way to make things difficult!

Sweetened wrote:Admittedly, I’m incredibly disheartened.

I seem to have been in this exact spot a couple of times myself.   especially when I have poured sweat, blood and tears (and most times those three literally!!) into something I have done to just been completely defeated and deflated.

in fact, I am only just picking myself back up from a spot like that.  was some tough times for me personally in the last three years (I cannot believe every time I type that, that it HAS been almost three years! )  and the last year especially has been the toughest.

I will finish up the promised pm here in a few minutes, but remember you can email anytime!!

uno wrote:Sue, I ask you, define your terms. What is love, as it applies to farming and farm animals? Is love splinting the broken leg of a lamb? Giving it that one opportunity to heal? Is that love?  Or is love seeing that is has a spinal deformation and that there is NO hope and ending its life by bashing it on the head. Is that love?

I believe that when it comes to animals, love is pretty practical. Kind, but with backbone. To my way, love is doing what you reasonably can in cases where there is some reasonable hope, and doing what you must when there is no hope. The hard and real part of love comes in having the balls to know the difference and acting instead of standing around kicking the sand, moaning and whining, when it's time to pull the trigger, swing the axe or call the vet. THe people I find most offensive are those who know damn well their animal is suffering, but are too stunned to end the suffering. Oh no, as long as poor Betsy or Bowser can half drag their aching body to the food and water, they are still having quality of life.... (insert expletive here)

Uno.  Sometimes I just love reading what you have to write.  you put into words so perfectly the words that roll around in my head...

this. this quote exactly is what has gotten my gander up a few times... even here personally in the last year or so when we have had an animal that I have felt would be better off without its suffering, even if it meant I was the one to end it.  of course, my opinion has been veto'd almost every time.  it makes me feel "cold" to be the one to suggest the outcome that should happen... and mad.  why cant anyone else see it?

ramble for another day.  I just wanted to say thanks.  to know that I am not cold as I am beginning to seem to some, but that my heart is just too full to see the suffering in the animals I hold truly