What a great idea! I can't believe I haven't given a thought to better alternatives. But I must say, I have pretty much mastered the flashlight-under-the-armpit shuffle. It goes something like this:
Enter coop well after dark, wearing proper attire for the season: Extreme winter weather - the old chore-coat parka, touque, mitts and tall Sorel boots.
All other weather – red soled rubber boots that are a couple sizes too big, old worn plaid insulated shirt and possibly mitts and touque, depending on current temperature.
So, properly geared up for the occasion of egg gathering, enter coop, shuffling along in the meager beam thrown by the rechargeable Mag light that obviously should have been put on the charger after last-evenings’ egg gathering. Trip over threshold in doorway to make elegant and most graceful entrance. (Roosting chickens will squawk with annoyance).
Proceed to first nest and remove mitts, placing them in general area of right arm-pit, while holding egg bucket in left hand. Place flashlight in the general left arm-pit area while reaching into nest with right hand. Let out a surprised yelp as you realize there is a black hen in there completely invisible in the dark. Lose 1 mitten unknowingly. By now, flashlight beam is helpfully shining directly upwards, lighting up the cobwebs on the ceiling of the coop. Re-focus light to shine in general direction desired, while leaning perilously sideways while doubling over to fine-tune the aim towards nest. Light is in correct position when you can see hen glare back at you in a most irritated manner. Remove nice warm eggs and place in bucket. Shuffle along to next nest and place hand into something disgusting. Wipe on shirt tail of plaid chore shirt. While doing this, flashlight should slip out of armpit landing on floor and rolling under roosts, resulting in a few more peeved sounds from the coop residents. Squat down to reach under roost to try to retrieve flashlight. Since it is just out of finger tip reach, do the squat-shuffle under roost and feel something drop from hens above into hair. Shake head vigorously, until almost losing balance. Grab flashlight and do the backward squat shuffle until roost is cleared and it is safe to stand up. This time try jamming flashlight between knees thinking it may work better. Do the knock-kneed shamble to last nest box, not caring anymore what might be in there. Grab last of the eggs and make a hasty retreat out of coop, leaving behind the mitten that you dropped earlier. Once safely back in house, forget to place flashlight back on charger. Tomorrow night will be a whole new adventure.
