Butt or gut?

mirycreek wrote:it has always irritated me the way people comment on other people's appearance when they first meet you again, as in "oh you look good, you must have lost some weight!" it always makes me wonder so if I (or someone else ) has gained weight would they still comment?
Growing up with critical family members I have always made it a point to stay away from personal comments about people's shape at any time, I mean if you are going to critically analyze people and comment on how much/how little they have gained since you saw them last I think that's pretty shallow and judgmental!! And makes a point of it really mattering when the ONLY thing that should matter is how they're doing/feeling/coping.

I actually had a customer do that just last week. they are like: "hey, you've lost weight!!!" I'm like, no... I'm the same 300ish lbs I was the last time you saw me.
They're like, "no, you've definitely lost weight".
Sigh, what does one say to that???
Obviously they've remembered me fatter than I actually am, as my weight hasn't fluctuated by more than about 5lbs in the last 15 years, and on somebody my size 5lbs is not a noticeable change.

Nom De Plume, living an AWESOME life is the best revenge!

Yeah, that comment about losing weight! IT's awkward. When you know you haven't lost a stinking ounce you feel you ought to apologize for their wrongness. As in, I'm so sorry to have disappointed your hopeful enthusiasm by not having lost the weight you obviously expect me to lose.

I ran into a lady a while ago whom I haven't seen in a few years. She said "You've changed your look." I said, "I got old."

I TRY and make the effort to say to people that they SEEM well, instead of LOOK well. The difference is subtle but I think important. I want you to know that I am happy for you that your life seems to be going well and you seem to be doing fine. I do not want you to think that the only thing I care about is how you look.

ALl this heavy thinking just makes me want to have an ice cream cone. I think more and more that Sue with her overalls might be on to something. But won't they be hot when it's 36 degrees outside?

mirycreek wrote:it has always irritated me the way people comment on other people's appearance when they first meet you again, as in "oh you look good, you must have lost some weight!" it always makes me wonder so if I (or someone else ) has gained weight would they still comment?
Growing up with critical family members I have always made it a point to stay away from personal comments about people's shape at any time, I mean if you are going to critically analyze people and comment on how much/how little they have gained since you saw them last I think that's pretty shallow and judgmental!! And makes a point of it really mattering when the ONLY thing that should matter is how they're doing/feeling/coping.

AMEN to that, Miry!!  

Uno, this thread made my day, you guys are so funny.  I was trying to get that multiquote thingy to work, to quote all of you at once, but apparently I am not intelligent enough.... my sexy eyes will have to do.  

I love the comedian who said she hated when people said she looked tired. Her comment was, if someone is big, should you say, hey, you look really full. Are you full? You're looking kinda full.
Better to say, good to see you.

bckev wrote:For what it is worth sexy starts with the eyes,smiles and being comfortable in your skin, body size and shape doesn't have anything to do with it.

I agree with what you said. Frankly, I don't believe it. Pysical attractiveness is always at play. But that is my opinion.

However, I wasn't refering to sexy or attraction with my comment. I'm was just talking about just basic interaction such as meeting someone for the first time or simpy friendship.

Nom_de_Plume wrote:Meh, I've always been a fatty,
I'm fine with it now, it used to bother me as a kid/teen/young adult.
I've been making all my own clothes for the past 30 years or so as nothing has ever fit me straight from a store (it always needed altered somehow)

If someone doesn't like how I look .... they can suck it, in my opinion they're the ones missing out if they are judging whether I'd be an adequate friend/mate/worker what have you......I'm way past caring at this point.
I'm having an awesome life regardless of anyone's shallow opinion.
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It's where I'm at in my life also. I don't give a flying fig anymore what people think of me. I get enough grief just from people, family & professional, in how I should handle my dad. I only wish it was just my weight. I can handle that issue no sweat.

Last time I told someone I thought they had lost weight, they told me they had cancer. I will never make that comment again.

Nom_de_Plume wrote:

mirycreek wrote:it has always irritated me the way people comment on other people's appearance when they first meet you again, as in "oh you look good, you must have lost some weight!" it always makes me wonder so if I (or someone else ) has gained weight would they still comment?
Growing up with critical family members I have always made it a point to stay away from personal comments about people's shape at any time, I mean if you are going to critically analyze people and comment on how much/how little they have gained since you saw them last I think that's pretty shallow and judgmental!! And makes a point of it really mattering when the ONLY thing that should matter is how they're doing/feeling/coping.

I actually had a customer do that just last week. they are like: "hey, you've lost weight!!!" I'm like, no... I'm the same 300ish lbs I was the last time you saw me.
They're like, "no, you've definitely lost weight".
Sigh, what does one say to that???
Obviously they've remembered me fatter than I actually am, as my weight hasn't fluctuated by more than about 5lbs in the last 15 years, and on somebody my size 5lbs is not a noticeable change.

My heaviest was up past 400 lbs. Took me a couple of years to go down to 220 lbs. Funny part was while I wsa dropping the weight, people that saw me didn't seem to notice. Then one day it was like "OMG you lost weight" followed quickly and in lower tone..."Are you okay. Mean you're not sick or something are you?" I thought it was weird until on the radio one morning they were talking to the comedian Bobcat Goldwaith about his weight loss. He was saying how so many people thought he was dying from cancer and he would tell them no he just lost weight. People didn't believe him. Thought it was so funny and also sad at the same time.

I think half the people who make the weight comment just want you to look at them and make a similar comment, the other half are truly sizing you up and critically judging you each time.
I think I may be a little over sensitive about it due to getting the second type lots while growing up but I still find it too personally critical.
A simple "you're looking well/good today" is much better and I like your subtle wording change Uno, I may have to borrow it for the future, " You look like you're doing well today! "
Great thread guys  

Oh WOW *high fives *   to all you wonderful ladies (and men) who have embraced who you are.


I was at 1 point in time lucky enough to  have an hour glass figure. That was a different life back (way) back then and am now an easy hour an a half. I seem to have one difference than some and must say those of you whom are DGS (diminished Glute syndrome thank you Hank Hill) your not missing much. I have a big bottom, booty, baby got back ect... and it makes no difference in buying clothes its just as much a pain in the bum than you'd think. If I can get them past my huge thighs I can't seem to get them around my bum. I used too an still try to be athletic and my legs have always been my strong part but in this last year I have finally embraced my body for what it is. ME! and my confidence has never been better.

ps much like authentic I have always had great confidence but on my "off" days I have gotten the habit of "faking it" so even on my bad days you'd never really know that I'm alittle off  

Miry, you may use whatever I say, just make sure it isn't something stupid I've said!

One note, I try to leave the word look right out of those quick and pointless daily conversations.
"It's nice to see you doing so well."
"You seem to be doing fine."
"So good to see that life is treating you well."

I find these terms neutral and not elated to someone's looks as much as the events of their life that they have relayed. If life is being horrible to them, easy to say, "I am so sorry to hear you're having a hard time." Much better than, "you look like crap."

Toybarons, I am taking my hat off to you. I agree. It is kind and caring of BCKev to say that it's the inside that counts (paraphrasing). We all want to think that our society is not so shallow as to judge people on their looks. But when we do not look the way society thinks we should, we KNOW that people are indeed that shallow. It is hurtful.

I have been with people who see an obese person and mutter, "Good Gordon, doesn't she know how big she is?" Really? Do you think that any fat person spends one second of their time in public not knowing they're fat? Most large people judge themselves as ruthlessly as the rest of the world does. It truly is a horrible place to be and a horrible way to feel.

This is why I used to kiss my little horse and hope I would catch a horse worm. Skinny and ribby, here I come!

Oh, Uno, you are WAY too hard on yourself! When I met you I thought, 'what a beautiful and vibrant woman'. I didn't think one second about your figure, positive or negative.

Thank you, Sucellus, but I think I had managed to catch a horse worm at that time and thus was looking better than normal. Wormy and my hair might have been falling out in patches, but still, better.

Oh...and my pants hadn't fallen off for the day. I do try, in public to ensure that my pants don't suddenly drop off my big gut/non-butt, but it's a struggle.

I hear ya, gal! I've gotten to the place where I'd rather be comfortable. Take me as I am, or not at all - your choice. Shorts (mostly men's shorts) and t-shirts do not make me a fashion figure but hey, I'm comfortable and happy. I like me the way I am:D Those young, girly figures will see 50 some day too!! LOL

SucellusFarms wrote:Oh, Uno, you are WAY too hard on yourself! When I met you I thought, 'what a beautiful and vibrant woman'. I didn't think one second about your figure, positive or negative.

I agree, your hubby has good reason to walk around like a proud peacock.

Aw Uno, ta, but to be truthful. The first thing I'm drawn to is the physical eye candy too. It's the nature of all animals.

We are all presents, each wrapped up unique. Some of us in bright wrap & glittery bows that immediately dazzle the eye. While others less so. Still others in plain, old wrap & ribbon. Sometimes it's the plain ones that are the more satisfying cause their gift will stay with you long after the flash ones dulls & wanes.

The saying that annoys me is "Good Morning." Not all my mornings are good. Some of the outright suck from the moment I open my eyes. Often if I sleep too deep, I wake with a headache between the eyes as if the sandman cracked me with his sand bucket and it's a headache that stays with me all day. Oh the fun when I am asked "Good Morning" and I reply, "Not really" that the other person falls silent. Why ask me if you are not ready to deal with my negative reply to ask me why is not my morning good?

toybarons wrote:The saying that annoys me is "Good Morning." Not all my mornings are good. Some of the outright suck from the moment I open my eyes. Often if I sleep too deep, I wake with a headache between the eyes as if the sandman cracked me with his sand bucket and it's a headache that stays with me all day. Oh the fun when I am asked "Good Morning" and I reply, "Not really" that the other person falls silent. Why ask me if you are not ready to deal with my negative reply to ask me why is not my morning good?

I always just say "Morning."

Well I sure do wish clothes shopping was easier,  I honestly have broken down and cried in the fitting room, or even looking

through the sizes, because "all" the big sizes are "gone"  Can't they replace them, for fatties like me?

If I can get the slacks so far up, they won't go over my fat butt, if they do get over, they won't go up over my fat gut.   

But if you go to bigger sizes the slacks legs are huge.  So baggy, you wouldn't want to be seen dead in them.   

It's so discouraging.  I can't sew, so wouldn't want to try making any, I could see them falling apart in the worst places.   

I'm not giving up!!!     I am not comfortable the way I look or feel right now at all.  Worst part is WHY do you still look in the

mirror and see yourself as fat, when you DO finally lose weight???    What's with "that" ????????

Ladies, I know from where you speak!! I am tall almost 6 ft. and to top it off I come from a long line of women built for child bearing. Don't have any but have the body. My sisters and I all say we have the "Hayes" butt (ample) and good sized hips and thighs.  

I hate shopping as I can never get anything long enough and to top it off it has to go over my ample behind. I think the shame of it all is over the years I have had parts lost and parts replaced and other parts made smaller(my one remaining boob!!) but nooooo my butt and hips still never get any smaller, what's with that!! Even after a 3yr hard working gym nightmare. 

But(no pun intented) I know there is no way in hell after all these years things are going to change, my remaining parts are going south and to heck with everyone I say, I work hard everyday and eat heathly, I can't get by my genes so I have accepted that and am as happy as I can be with my body at this point and yes I dress comfortably, don't like it don't look and you best call before you show up cause some of my farm work clothes are scary. But UNO don't worry no fear of my pants falling off once they are on top of the shelf I call my butt. 

Heather

These posts make me giggle.  Now I am one that has the weirdest body of all.  I have skinny little chicken legs and thighs and a wide and short torso.  that my friends, makes for a very odd looking body.  My arms are not overly skinny above the elbow because of big muscles, but below the elbow, my arms are skinny.   So skinny legs, from the thigh down, skinny arms from the elbows down and a big fat tummy.  That is odd shaped and not even looking like my waist should be on my body.  Who cares?  We are we.  Size, colour, shape, really?  Don't care.  Be who you are and be thankful every day that you have awakened, in no matter what body you have, to greet another day.  With that, wishes for an awesome day for us all, CynthiaM.

Oh ya, Heather, you are tall, I feel like a little midget when I stand and have to look up at your face to see eye to eye