If I only had one wish for Christmas...

If I only had one wish for Christmas, only one, and never knew if it would come true or not, was attainable or possible, or even if anyone else cared, I would wish this wish. You tell me yours and I will tell you mine. The only rule is that it is for you, only you, in some way.

My first thought was for my dads cancer to be magically cured, but that is not a wish just for me.

To come up with a wish that would be just for me is hard, so I am going to have to think about it for awhile . . .

I would want someone to take my father off my hands and give me my life back again.

First I will start with one Christmas wish that I was granted, that made all the difference to me.

I knew from a young age that my dad had a bad heart. I loved him fiercely and lived with that constant fear that I was going to lose him. What I wanted was not to be miles away when it happened.

Years later, when he did die, of cancer, not a bad heart, I was with him everyday in the hospital. Mom and I or Hubby and I or brother and I were there to see him a few times a day. But when he died, drew his last breath, I was all alone with him. As snow fell outside in the dark, on December 11th, I held my dad's hand as he died. Thank God I was there. I have been eternally grateful that I was right where I belonged. BUt I do think this loss has coloured Christmas with a sadness yet a deep gratitude at the same time.

What would I wish just for me?....YOu want an honest answer? I would wish to like myself. To feel that I am not a failure. TO feel that my life, as common as it is, is okay. I feel like a waste and a huge disappointment. And at my age feel that there is nothing left for me. I wish I felt comfortable and happy to be who I am, where I am, at peace with my choices. I wish this driving burden to do more, be more, acheive something of value would go away. As if the humble task of making a home, raising a child, have no value. I know they do, but I do not feel it inside me. I feel like a fake, an imposter, a lost cause and a failure. Just one more person who will live and die pointlessly. I tell myself that my life is a good life (true) that I am lucky (true) that I should just accept that it is what it is, and not feel that I have to apologize for who I am and how I turned out. And yet.... I wish I could wake up and be someone else.

Please DO NOT make posts about how 'wonderful' I am. This is a personal revelation, I have taken a risk in speaking honestly, so let's just leave it that way. The Fat Ewe, who I see likes a meaty and deep topic as much as I do, asked a question. I have answered. The next person needs to make their answer without comment on my post. Please.

Interesting that the first three posters are relating to their fathers in some way.


I too lost my father to cancer, but at the ripe age of 88 and I was the only one with him, holding his hand and calling for death to come and asking him to let go. His will to live was so strong, even after becoming a paraplegic when he was on 52 and suffering many years, he did not want to go. I pulled the plug on the oxygen and still, he would not go. He would quit breathing and then suddenly inhale once more, deeply and fitfully. I miss him to this day. I continued to care for my mother, however; for another 5 years thereafter, and she was demented, in diapers and needed so much. No regrets.

I wonder if Toy Barons would exchange places with DCChick for a day, if their feelings would be the same as they are now.

Now, tell, do, please, the rest of you. Deeply, strongly, the one wish you would wish for yourself. We are taught not to be selfish, but selfless, yet this often makes us miserable and martyrs which usually does not benefit anyone. For one moment, be selfish. If you could have one wish just for yourself, just for you, what would it be?

.

I have no problem being shallow and selfish when it comes to things I want for myself.

I want either an upright freezer or a new Dewalt mitre saw. That's it. Either one will improve my life.

It's not deep, it's not meaningful, it's not a wish to improve myself. I'm very secure in who I am and what I do. I'm awesome. I'm happy. I don't rely on others for my feeling of self-worth. That's not to say there's no room for growth, but hey, I like me just the way I am.

Although both a mitre saw and a freezer would be nice, I will go one further. I would wish that all the work I have planned on my to do list was done and done well. Yes, I would love to come home to finished home renovations, completed dog kennels, a decent, insulated rabbitry with easy flush out, grain bins filled, hay and straw moved, the barn loft tidied, hell, the whole barn tidied, garage neat, pottery shed in working order, the remaining coops clean, trash removed, tractor fixed, quad fixed, trailer fixed, animals wormed, shots done and hooves trimmed, shed roof on the side of the barn, all doors fitted and sealed, chores complete, laundry done, folded and put away, and dinner on the table waiting for me. It sure is hard to work a full day teaching then come home to a lifetime of incomplete and semi-complete jobs.

I would love to have the time to walk out to an organized pottery studio or down to the sewing room, or even to find a nice book to read that is not sealed up in a box somewhere. Every moment of spare time seems consumed with work.

Now if you excuse me I need to turn off the computer, lock my classroom door, drive home and make a soup, complete the chores, cut wood for 6 kennel gates and do last week's laundry. Bye!

Hope all wishes come true

I have a wish .Speaking of fathers , my father died of cancer after a ten year fight .I was there when he was sitting in there home reading the thermometer ever few minutes because the doctor had told him that if the temp changed by a half a degree that he should come in .I was the one that was there and when he said that he had to go in ,I didn't want to bring him ,knowing that he might not come home again .He never did and to this day I wish I could sit and talk with him and that that day had never come .I feel that I should have or could have done more then I did .My mother died last year on the 26th of December and I was there alone with her till the rest of that family got there so we had some mother son time and although she was in a coma ,I believe that she heard what I said and as little time as we had I wanted more .So I wish that I could have ONE more day with them ,I hear there voices and I feel them near ,but to see them one more time would be my wish

Now I am curious what Coopslave and Appway had to say.
How settling it must be, AuthenicFarm , to be so secure. Good job on that and I am sure if your husband is listening, you will get your wish. That is an easy one.
To be with your parents one more time is much more difficult, but not impossible. I believe our souls reunite once we leave this world. Having raised such an awesome child, I feel confident your parents are waiting to embrace you with open arms, prairie dog.
Schipperkesue, sometimes we create our worlds and then run ourselves ragged in what we have made.I used to run three careers back to back for many years, plus speak publicly and write for magazines and do hobbies. Now I do 6 hours of labour a day and that is it! Love it. May your wish for an extra pair of hands be one that will not only be for Christmas.

The Fat Ewe wrote:Good job on that and I am sure if your husband is listening, you will get your wish. That is an easy one.

Or I'll just buy them for myself. Sometimes the best gifts are the ones you give yourself!

I have few complaints and there are people much worse off than I, but since we are supposed to be selfish and self indulgent, I wish for smell.

Not stink, I can do that without even trying, but smell. I've never had a sense of smell. When I was a kid I thought there was something wrong with me because I thought smelling was something you had to learn and I couldn't figure it out. I've had two episodes in my life (a beeswax candle in high school and tobacco smoke in university) they each only lasted moments but I got a flash of smell so somewhere there parts are hooked up, they just don't normally work for me. I do have a sense of taste, a specialist once told me that my brain has cobbled a palate together out of the sensations available.

Another 10 or 15 years, I'll be hitting the age where a lot of people apparently start to lose their sense of smell anyway. I am often told that I'm lucky, when I can't smell a dump, or manure or a fart or whatnot. But I would still like to know some of the smells that other people talk about... fresh cut grass, after a rain, a new baby, flowers, earth, etc.

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Fowler, how those of use who have our senses in tact take them for granted, when some one such as you would wish above all else to have what is not there.

Fat Ewe, frankly, if my Dad had cancer and was hooked to a machine dying, I would be happy. Then I would know I would finally have my life back.

Before anyone tells me what and awful terrible thing to wish for, like Uno, please refrain from doing so. You really have no idea the scope of the situation.

Thank you

I would hate to think that anyone was evaluating or judging anyone else's wishes. It kind of defeats the purpose. A wish is a wish and just that. Not an invitation for evaluation.

But I can send a hug to you, Toybarons.

I just don't have anything profound to wish for myself. At a very young age, I had an accident that changed my views on life and I learned to be happy with what I had, not disappointed or sad because of what I didn't.

Most would look at my life and think wow, there is so much that would make your life easier, different and more meaningful.

I have looked back on the hardships I have endured, and they have shaped me, and opened my eyes to things I was unaware of.
Many things I could have, and would have wished for, would have changed my life immensely, but I am who I am because of them.

No matter how bad your life/situation is, there are millions of people that would trade their lives for yours in a heartbeat.

Hillbilly , how fortunate you are to have found one of the keys to success early in life. Be happy with what you have and whom you are.
Toy Barons, no one can feel what you feel or walk in your shoes. Caring for elderly parents ..well, I won't go there. I am now done with that after 10 years and just lately, I finally can go a day or two without feeling guilty. Blessings to you.
When we bare a little of our souls, it is risky. Support, rather than criticism is needed. Wishes are the songs our hearts sing and are not always heard by the light of day.
Thank you all for sharing.

If only I had one wish, and there was no other wish that could possibly come true. I would lean to family. I would not wish for my Dad to hurry up and die, but I do wish this would happen...soon and be with my Mother, who died at 49. He is in a home, bedridden, dying a slow death of dementia related altzheimers, can't eat himself, cannot get out of bed, does not know who anyone is. Does not even look like my Daddy, sigh...where did he go? Guess he is already dead, but wish he would leave this earthly body. That is not my one wish though, but it is high on the list, probably it would be second. I think I would wish that my two Daughters, two Grandsons and the Daughter's spouses would never get sick. Me, not wishing for that for myself, but wish that they would have the most beautiful health. I worry about their health. And I do thank my lucky stars that we have an extremely healthy family. That would be my wish, longevity and health for my offspring. Good topic, makes one think about things. Oh yes, getting a new Mantis rototiller is a close one too to the other wish, mine has died this year, at 15 years old Have that awesomely beautiful day, CynthiaM.

Cynthia, I am not sure your wish qualifies, though it is a very wonderful wish. The wish was to be for you, just you. Is there anything you can think of that is a selfish wish? A rototiller could be, I suppose, if that was it.

Some days I wish for more tie in my day, but the I realize I'll just have more to do so I change my mind.

The Fat Ewe wrote:Cynthia, I am not sure your wish qualifies, though it is a very wonderful wish. The wish was to be for you, just you. Is there anything you can think of that is a selfish wish? A rototiller could be, I suppose, if that was it.

Sometimes wishing for something for others is a selfish wish if it makes you feel good and that is why you are doing it.

Schipperkesue wrote:

The Fat Ewe wrote:Cynthia, I am not sure your wish qualifies, though it is a very wonderful wish. The wish was to be for you, just you. Is there anything you can think of that is a selfish wish? A rototiller could be, I suppose, if that was it.

Sometimes wishing for something for others is a selfish wish if it makes you feel good and that is why you are doing it.

Good point.

Selfish shellfish sell fish shellfish. Say that 3 times fast.

Charity can certainly have a selfish core. Some work has shown that it is a way to (basically) display for a mate (no we don't hop onto a coop and crow but we can look just as silly). We can buy a nice car or write a big cheque to a charity, the message is still "I've got resources".

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I have a very selfish wish. I wish to be in less pain every day. I love being a mom, a wife, a farmer. I love most things about my life and can stand the rest. Yet I wish that I could do more for them and for myself. I love to have a clean house, yet physically can not most days. I have hip, pelvic, and low back pain. It is something I have lived with for 11 years now. I want to be able to pick up my two year old and carry her if I wanted to. I want to be able to feed the chickens by myself. I want to be able to mop my floors without having help from my older children or my husband. I want to be able to stand in the kitchen and cook like I used to. I would love to be able to ride a horse again. I can accomplish what I want in life if only there was less pain.