Sitting in sadness

So here I sit, trying not to think about Cleo. Cleo is a 12 year old Schipperke. She was born the year Doug and I got married. In fact she was a puppy in a pen in my parents back yard when Doug and I were married there. After we were pronounced husband and wife we had pictures taken with Cleo and Tessa, her sister.

This fall was great for Cleo. I needed an extra dog for points at a couple shows so I entered Cleo. I stopped showing her as a youngster with 9 points. (You need 10 for a championship.). She got that last point at one of those shows and the judge couldn't believe she was 12. She looks like a young gal.

Cleo has always had autoimmune issues. She has weepy eyes from a horrid staph infection as a puppy. She has recurring mange that is managed by monthly drop on medication...or at least used to be. I have noticed the mange returning inside her legs. Last week she had a cluster of swellings around her vulva. They were filled with bloody pus. As I was examining the swellings I found something even more ominous. There are two large lumps in her abdomen under her skin. I have seen mammary cancer in dogs before and these lumps look sadly similar. Her poor old bones are arthritic and she often screams when she gets up, gets bumped or gets cold.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the vet. I think I know what I will have to do, even without an examination.

Today is a good day for Cleo. She is dancing around the house, begging for attention and making happy little crying sounds. She is snuggling on the couch and rubbing in our hair. Loving us. She is breaking my heart.

Hugs to you.

It's funny how animals *know* though, isn't it? She may be giving you a last day of happy memories to make you smile later.

I am so sorry Sue! It is always hard to let go of those we love.

Sue my Heart goes out to you
She is showing you that all is good and sounds like she wants you to remember the good Times You all have had together. SHaring something like this is hard to do and I thank you for sharing.
We may not be at the vet with you tomorrow but I am sure we will all be there in spirit for you
Give her a extra Hug for me
Thinking of you

Oh man, this made me tear up. It's just a shitty situation, and you have to make a tough, loving decision, and be really sad doing it. My thoughts are with you. My dogs are my family, and my heart aches for you.

The only positive I can share is that Cleo will be in excellent company when she crosses over.

Too many good animal family members have passed (too soon always, though the right time for them) and left us, their grieving humans, to mourn their absence. I know you've got a lot of great memories with her and I hope you can soon look back on them without pain, but with a smile. xo

Oh, Sue. Be brave. I am so sorry.

So sorry Sue, with the loss of my long beloved pet I sure do feel your sorrow. Glad that Cleo is having a good night for you tonight, sometimes that is just their way of telling us it is ok to let go.   

Taking care of animals is always hard when the taking care part involves the toughest decision for their quality of life.
Hugs Sue.

Some sad days are a head of you. Your words brought tears and thoughts of ones that have gone before me. I am glad you are having a nice night together, there will be many fond memories for you. What ever you decide is the right thing to do.

So sorry Sue.

My heart goes out to you. It's never easy when you know what needsto be done. Then you see them acting like they have the fountain of youth on their side, nothing the matter. Only you know the truth. Been there with my Bear when she was 18. My Sheba and my Romeo.

Simply put, it sucks. Give her a hug from us.

My heart goes out to you Sue!! Letting go of our old friends is hard!! I feel for you. Sending hugs your way

And my dear girl I cry with you. Hardest of the hardest things to do, when, when is it when? Keep that chin up, she will be in a place where she will always be happy, with no pain, in perfect being. So many of us have been in your position, we know and feel your pain, and you know we wish you well, again that sun will shine again for you. We are in the exact same boat right now. A dog nigh to 14 years old, vet visit about 3 months ago, to confirm what I had thought, probably only a few good months left, these months have not been good, he is nigh to blind, deaf and fumbles now when he climbs up only one step, because he can't really see well enough to figure out what the next step is, the two steps into our home are hard, and to jump onto his bed is very difficult, he just can't see to judge where/how to jump up. It is breaking my heart too, each moan and groan I hear drives another break into my heart, and it is almost broken to nothing left. He is in pain, Husband is in denial, says the pooch has not told him yet it is his time. I know it is. Women know things, sometimes men do not. He is sick and throws up for a couple of days and then seems well. He is not well. Yes, then times when he acts like a young dog. How can you make decisions when you see this happiness. It is breaking my heart too. I think his time is nigh. Only to convince the mister, his heart is breaking too, I know. My dear Sue, take care, you do know what must be done and I am so sad for you, but you still have things in this day that will bring you a smile, look to your other critters, I wish you well. CynthiaM.

Big Hugs Sue. Sometimes the most difficult part in life is the reality of it all. She gave you good times and that's what you need to remember. Best of luck today.

Sue, there will be a new Angel above to still watch over you. Pets are both the best and hardest part of life. She was well loved and gave back as much love. Sorry for your pet and you.

I'm so sorry Sue such an agonizingly hard thing to do and knowing it has to happen and waiting for it is just awful.  I hope you were able to sleep last night.  Glad you had such wonderful 12yrs with her and that she feels well enough to love you up

got a lump in my throat, every time someone puts up a post for their pet (lot of dogs) I find myself thinking of how I felt with my past pets - all the good stuff and the crappy stuff (cause there was some, I learned a lot and became a better person for their participation in my growing up - seems it is never over). Dogs never seem to judge us and that is the hardest thing to think about, they just serve and do our will mostly. Wishing you strength and joy in celebrating your buddy this day - I think you are a stellar steward.

Ah, Sue.....
I'm sorry dear.

I sit in sadness with you for a moment, remembering the loss of my own dear pets as well. I find the worst part of loving animals is knowing you will have to make the hard decisions for them one day. Sending hugs.

Thinking of you today Sue.   

I'm so very sorry. Cleo is having one last time where you can really enjoy each other. She is ready to let go. Her body cannot be healed any more and the pain becomes intolerable at times.. She doesn't want sadness, although it is inevitable. She knows this but she wants you to be positive and not grieve for too long. You have too many things to do. She wants you to let her go in love and light. She will never leave you just watch for signs. She love you. Lou

farmchiq wrote:Thinking of you today Sue.   

Me too......

Thank you for all your kind words. The lumps in Cleo's abdomen were indeed cancer and combined with problems she was having with her compromised immune system led me to make the decision to have her put down by the vet.

Whenever I have to put down a beloved animal I am always reminded of a lovely quote from Richard Adams' novel, Watership Down. At the end of the novel the black rabbit comes for the aging Hazel, leader of the brave group of rabbits featured in the novel. The black rabbit asks Hazel to follow him and Adams says:

It seemed to Hazel that he would not be needing his body any more, so he left it lying on the edge of the ditch, but stopped for a moment to watch his rabbits and to try to get used to the extraordinary feeling that strength and speed were flowing inexhaustibly out of him into their sleek young bodies and healthy senses.

I cannot read this novel without always experiencing the same overwhelming feelings of sadness when I reach this point. I must have read the novel 10 times and I am still in tears at the end.

So today, like brave Hazel, Cleo has left her old body behind and her loving spirit has been freed.

Very sorry Sue. She had twelve good years and that is much to be thankful for.

I love Watership Down. lost count of the number of times I've read it (did you know that he did a follow book of Watership Down short stories?)

Tolkien also had some lines in Lord of the Rings that always jump out at me.

“Mourn not overmuch! Mighty was the fallen, meet was his ending."

"I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil."

Touché...in a good way, Fowler!

Yes, I have heard of the short stories but not read them. I lent away my original novel and dearly miss it.