Why I left

I planned on staying away, and I may leave again depending on how this post goes.  Leaving made me realize, from all the texts and emails, that there was a common problem going on, recognized by many but said by few.

What happened
I'm uninterested in going into the circumstances that surrounded my desperate post for help to rehome the dogs to non-farm homes, however the post was posted with an explicit request not to question my decision. Those people who know a home that might be interested are welcome to contact me for a more in depth run down of what happened.  I will go ahead and state my chickening affairs are back down to my original flock numbers, even lower once I fatten these boys back up and put them in the freezer since I'm 1:1 hens to roosters.  I will also state that, should you be interested in the $250 kennel from Peavey Mart: Look.  Elsewhere.

Why I left
A couple people contacted me privately, off forum, expressing what I thought was concern.  I spilled the situation and incidents surrounding the post and they decided to do exactly what I asked people not to: question my decision, voice their opinions on just what should be done and how to do it and question me, not only as a dog owner, but as a person.  People who are not understanding of a pack dynamic and environment have no business passing judgement or running their mouths when they own cats or less than three dogs, and have a farm set up similar to fort knox.

What I realized
Over the past couple months, my posting has waned here.  Yes I've been busy with the farm, but I used to MAKE time to be here, to post, to talk, to join in and be part of the community.  I now make the choice not to, and this saddens me.  I found this forum first, the dark side (ds) second.  I quickly realized why this forum was created, and how different from the ds it was.  I feel as though this forum is starting to turn towards the feeling of the ds, to the tension and the inability to speak ones mind objectively without being dragged down into some shit-filled ramble about why someone is right and another person is wrong.  Many people here no longer state "This is my experience so I think thusly", rather moreso "Do it this way or you're wrong."  

People live their lives, lead them, and learn from mistakes they have made.  People look up information on google and forums, pinterest and facebook.  You only learn that that mountain dew glowing bottle trick doesn't work when you give it a go, only do be disappointed.  But now you can say WHY you know it doesn't work and HOW you learned it.  If someone still wants to try it, who are you to tell them they're wrong?  Who are you to tell them that, by doing so, they're idiots?  You're nobody to do so, it's not your RIGHT to tell anyone no unless they are your child or within your custody.  Don't approve of your hubby/wife going to a stag/staggette?  You CANNOT tell them 'no', you can tell them you do not approve and make decisions based on their actions from there.

This forum needs a wake up call, before people stop sharing, stop encouraging new people, stop meeting like minded folks, and start turning into the Darth Vaders of the ds.  They are here, they are polluting the nature of this forum and it IS SAD.

Be respectful, people.  Stop thinking your shoes are the only shoes ANYONE has ever walked in.  You don't have to LIKE how people do it, you don't even have to UNDERSTAND how people do it, you have to ACCEPT it.  You need to RESPECT the fact that your shoes are too big for some, and too small for others; that your way isn't the only way, it's just what has worked for YOU in YOUR situation.  Remember, everyone was right about the world being flat, until they just weren't.

People are people, this world is going to hell in a hand basket, and the more time we spend pissing all over eachother's shoes, the less we're aware that one day, probably within all of our lifetimes, we'll all need help.  And then when all those methods you've heard can't be tried because the supplies are out, then you'll be able to dig back and remember someone said something else, was shot down, but all those goods are available.  What then?  You've got nothing to lose, except for being excessively right.  In my eyes, you can make the change, or you can hold tight to your biased, closed-minded tunnel-visioned beliefs and watch something suffer/fall apart/change for the worst.

Good to Have you Back Sweetened

People will give you advice, their views and their experiences however it is ultimately your decision in what you will try in your situation.  

Some people suck. Try not to pay attention to those who suck. They're usually not worth it.

Good to have you back here. I missed you.

Hi Sweetened, I had wondered what had happened. I think it is nice you cleared it up, and I am sorry you are feeling the way you do.
You express yourself well with words but not all of us do.
In this world there are people that offer unsolicited advice. They just do, my sister is one of them and I have tendencies towards it to. Drives Hubby crazy. I have to say, in my case it is with the best to intentions even though it is not always taken that way. I know with my sister I have just learned to ignore or sift through her 'help'. It can be tiring, but I think it is a good skill she has taught me for dealing with the world. It is only when I am tired and grumpy already that the words of others on this forum can poke me like a sharp stick.
I think you are right, people learn from their mistakes. Or not if they choose not to. Sometimes it is nice to have a 'heads up' that you are going in a bad direction and sometimes you just don't want to know and want to stay in ignorance. That is your choice to do so. (please know that I don't mean you specifically, but a person. This is me being not good with the written word)
As for people contacting you off forum and saying and doing things that weren't nice. I have something that I use for them, the delete button.
I would ask you to go back and read what you have written with a bit of a different thought in your head. This is the quote you had at the end:

Sweetened wrote:You can make the change, or you can hold tight to your biased, closed-minded tunnel-visioned beliefs and watch something suffer/fall apart/change for the worst.

To me that statement was as judgemental to others as you say they have been to you.
Do I think I am opinionated, yes, can I be a d*nk about it sometimes, hell ya, but I hope I get cut some slack when I am being an ass about things. There are lots of things I read, here and other places, that just make me shake my head. I often don't respond or give feedback on them any more. It is usually because I am afraid to hurt someone's feelings with my opinions and feedback. Every time I read a post like this one you posted, I feel less inclined to share things. Who knows how I will come across on a particular day.
I think a someone can tell person 'no' as much as they like, it is up to that person to decide if that no is appropriate or not. I can tell you a 'no' from certain members of my family or very close friends has way more weight than a 'no' from someone I don't respect or know very little. I have spent a lot of time trying to not let people decide how I feel. Nobody can make me feel a certain way, I decide that. It is still a work in progress, but I am aiming to have people that have no value in my life have very little impact on it.
Anyways, the reason I asked you to have a read back, Sweetened, is because this read strongly to me that you do not like how people are acting and they should take a very close look at themselves and change they way they are behaving. That may not have been your intention, but that is how some of it read to me. Let people behave how they want to behave, just choose the ones you want to value or not. We can't change others, but we can change how we react to them.

Hope this jumble made a little bit of sense. I suppose there is some unsolicited advice in there as well as some of my opinions. I seem not to be able to write a post without those two things in attendance. Offence was not intended but may have happened I suppose.

Missed you Sweetened, but glad you are back. Unfortunately we have no control over the thoughts, feelings and actions of others. It is the chance you take when sharing your mind with others. Fortunately we do all have control over ourselves.  

Sweetened, nice to see your name back here. I may know a little about how you are feeling. I think it comes from having thinner skin than some folks, and a more sensitive soul. Please know I say this as a bird of feather, no insult meant. I’m definitely one of those people who can’t seem to express myself as well as I’d like. It is frustrating! A lot of times I will post something, and have total posters remorse later on…I want to go back and erase everything I typed because I feel so stupid, or like I look a fool/or a braggart, and am positive others are thinking the same. What stops me is the fact that I can’t change what others think of me, nor is it really my business, and I’m pretty sure a lot of it is in my head anyway.  
I like what coop said about choosing not to react. Reminds me of that famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote; no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. While I like it in principle and agree, I wish it was that easy for everyone...

My father used to have this little, treasured plaque hanging in his shop office that said: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” For the longest time I wondered why he thought so highly of it because he was not a religious man. Now I know better. Still have the plaque too.

You're right, coopster. I should practice what I preach.

I have adjusted the original post to be more objective at that line.

Perhaps, though it was expressed to me by some people that there was discomfort with the path this forum is on, it was either all talk or we are excessively fragile individuals who should barricade ourselves in padded, well-stocked safe rooms.

I'm not okay with the viciousness in the world. I don't understand it, but, like my advice, I suppose I'll accept it.

I, however, will not be a party to it.

Sweetened wrote:I'm not okay with the viciousness in the world. I don't understand it, but, like my advice, I suppose I'll accept it.

I, however, will not be a party to it.

I agree, I don't like the viciousness of the world, but I think there is little I can do to change it. I stand up when I can, and don't always accept it, but I also don't let it run or ruin my life.
I am glad you don't want to be a party to it. I hope I am not either, but I never truly know how others perceive me and what I have to say. I just try to be nice and do the right thing for me and help others when I can.

Glad you are back, having lots of us with different opinions is a good thing. I hope you can find a way to fit comfortably ,for yourself, back in this small bit of the world.

An Internet forum, or message board, is an online discussion site where people can hold conversations in the form of posted messages

A personal blog is a weblog where people publish articles related to their daily lives, interests, projects, passions and happenings.

Sweetened, I will be very glad if you decide to stay. I really like your fresh ideas and individual thinking. I didn't see what happened - that final straw - that caused you to leave. But I felt bad when I saw your posts from the past where you are now listed as a guest.
Many people who are members of this forum are passionate about their beliefs...myself included. I tend to feel strongly about my goals and it is hard sometimes to remember that others are following their own path and may not appreciate hearing how I choose to do things.
I have been staying off the forums more lately because I do worry that stating my views will cause hurt feelings. I believe its happened already and that is not a good feeling.
So, I quoted those 2 definitions as a reminder that an online forum is like a conversation. It is inevitable that in a room full of 20 people, you'll get 20 slightly different (or glaringly different!) responses to a particular question.
And I'm not sure if it is possible to make a post on a forum with restrictions in place as to responses that will be allowed. It seems to me that if you prefer not to have certain kinds of feedback, open forums may not be the best place to write about the issue at hand.

A forum is supposed to allow its members to respond to threads with their own feelings about the topic - unless it is closed. Lets say I have decided to start breeding rabbits with the intention of releasing them to the wild. However I am worried some people may not agree with this practice, so I include a statement that no one is to question my intentions. I only want feedback on the best way to produce the most rabbits. Would this not be in conflict with the intentions of a online forum? Perhaps that would be more suited to a personal blog where I won't have to deal with other's differing opinons or questioning my objective.

I'm not sure if this response will make things worse or not. I hope not. I do find most people on this forum are respectful and have good intentions when they type a response. There will always be those who rub you the wrong way, so then its a matter of letting those words slide away and not letting it get under your skin.

It doesn't make things worse, Kathy. It draws a good point.

It isn't what a person says, it's how the person says it. In the words of George Washingtion, the right to swing your fist ends where the other mans nose begins.

Delivery is everything. If you're teaching someone something and they make a mistake "No, you idiot! Carry the damn 3!" doesn't come across as well recieved as "Oh, there's where you went wrong. See here? You forgot to carry the 3." It isn't 'buttering' it up, or beating around the perverbial bush. It's delivery in an amiable fashion, to which a person may better respond rather than feel punished, abused or stupid.

This may be a bit off topic, but I hope you get my point about it.
Not everyone knows how to respond in a nice way or even realises that how they are responding is abrasive.
I have worked with special ed kids most of my life. For some reason I seemed to specialise in teenage boys with severe behaviour disorders. Not my choice I just seemed to be good at it and get those jobs.
Anyways, one young man I was working with a very long time ago, was in the office again on my day to be at his school. If memory serves he was 12 or 13. When I asked him what had happened he told me he was in real trouble because he had gotten into an altercation with another boy in the playground. He was swearing and screaming at the boy and got pulled into the principal's office for it. I gave him a smile and held my hand out to shake his. He tentatively accepted my handshake and then asked why. I told him I was proud of him because if that same thing would have happened 3 months earlier he would have punched the other kid in the face. I told him it was a great thing he had done and I was so proud. I swear this boy actually blushed. We went on to discuss what other language or words he may have used instead of the ones he chose in that instance.
He grew up on a household that only knew violence and swearing. It was how they all communicated, how was he to know any different than what was modeled for him everyday?

It all comes back to the shoes thing doesn't it. Being able to communicate things in a sensitive way does not come naturally to everyone. And some people are just not interested in learning, but I do think we have to accept everyone is different and not necessarily going to do things in the way we think is the right, nice, proper, acceptable, etc way.

I agree with coop but I think part of being interactive on a public forum is being able to take the good with the bad.

If we put our selves out there for public opinion its not all going to be sweet and nice. We can't control people, their thoughts and opinions.

The issue arose because I specifically stated I was not interested in opinions and that if they were had they were to be kept to themselves.  It wasn't a request for advice, it was a specific request to NOT have it.  That if people wanted to help by assisting in finding homes they could do so, but if not to keep out of it.

To have ignored a specifically laid out request was simply rude.

That said, I can see I'm in the minority on this issue and ought to keep to myself.  Which is fine, I was pretty sure I knew it from the get-go.  Such is the way of things and, back to the shoes, some just aren't comfortable and shouldn't be worn.

Ok, you're right.

coopslave wrote:Ok, you're right.

I'm not asking to be right. *Shrug*.

I just hope, if nothing else, maybe some people will consider what they say and how it might affect someone. Clearly, there are mushy granola carebears like me out there.

.

Please stay as part of the forum sweetened as I have really enjoyed your past posts! We all run into issues when we post something and not everyone will respect our wishes at all times unfortunately!!

I remember your post about rehoming dogs when you first posted but couldn't help so didn't revisit it. I'm not sure what happened but I do remember your not asking for opinions.  I can understand your frustration but also found it a bit unfriendly in its wording.

I am the worlds worst person at expressing myself clearly in word and what others seem to be able to clearly convey in only a few words I usually takes me paragraphs    Since I usually have about 10+ stops to take care of distractions its usually clear as mud by the time I'm finished.  

I can say that my ideas, thoughts etc have changed ALOT in the past 3rs that I have entered this adventure into forums and livestock.  Reality and learning is why my ideas have changed and yes I've made mistakes and thats why I rarely get involved in the bickering that occasionally happens here.  I'm still learning and I know the finger pointing can be awful but I'd hope if I was doing something completely wrong that a friend would let me know nicely so that I could fix or change it.  

I was really really really bothered when the nastiness happened awhile ago and someone else left here.  I'm still not sure how those involved felt it a good idea to berate and push her away from the site.  Although annoying at least she was getting help for the animals, now are the animals better off with their owner not getting proper help??  

We all sometimes need a reminder to be careful in how we word our thoughts when it comes to helping because it sure feels awful when you are doing what you think is best and then being dumped on.  However, we ALL need to be open to new ideas and suggestions because we all have different properties, animals, predators, families, weather, money situations etc and not just one way is the correct way.  What works for one won't work for others and the holier than thou this is the way to do it and I'm perfect attitude makes me skip some posts.  

Everyone is entitled to opinions and should share them because we come here for great chatter but also to learn and share.  Discussion is a fantastic way to stimulate learning and growth.  I love the differing personalities here and I hope you choose to stick around

The thing that I think is great about Sweetened (sorry, gonna talk about you like you're not here) is that while she may have different methods than many of us, it's always clear that she has THOROUGHLY researched the methodology behind her choices and has then formed HER OWN opinions and beliefs based on her education. She's not just absorbing information and regurgitating it as if it's her own. She's making intelligent, logical choices based on her education and beliefs. We may not all have that same education/beliefs/logic/choices, so we may not always agree, but it's hard to knock someone who is so clearly well-read and well-considered, as she is.

Sweetened also has that rare ability to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong." Not many people can do that, especially not in a faceless community like the internet. This is admirable. Especially in someone her age.

And the thing that I enjoy most about Sweetened is that she's found a way to reasonably walk the line between conventional animal care and more holistic methods. She does what is necessary for her animals. This shows respect for the animals under her care. And I respect that.

Sweetened wrote:Clearly, there are mushy granola carebears like me out there.

Honey, I would never think of you that way. You're incredibly strong. You have brass ovaries. I like that. Don't let the bastards get you down!

Well Sweetened.......I have no idea what happened, but I do know one thing, I may be 64, slow, and don't know how to fish, but I sure think it
would be fun to go fishing with you.

I'd probably laugh at all my goof ups, till I peed, but I don't care. You sound like a fun person to me.  

Ah, I'm with Lady Leghorn, I would still like to be fishing with you Sweetened. I too do not know what went on. I saw your posts about the dogs, only read one, knew I could not help, so left the thread alone. Sigh..you are a valuable member of our forum, and as mentioned many times, your posts are constructive and full of love and insight. Please, never stop being you, get over this sadness and stuff and be back. We love you girl. Some people just do not have ability to express in a nice way, nor listen, and this is common, we must take things with a grain of salt. I get easily saddened by things that are said to me, and I am not good with words in the real life, now on paper, or should I say computer screen, something happens, I can be that person that I really would love could be manifest all the time in my off line life. I can speak better on the computer, and I am speaking that I want you to stick around girl...and have a beautiful day, it is yours to hold in the palm of your hand, CynthiaM.

CythiaM......Can you imagine the 3 of us out there fishing? I can see myself covered in mud, trying to fly fish and catching myself or one of you guys, lol

People need to lighten up. Life is tough for all of us, we should stick together not hack people down.

Is there any of us out there that haven't done things that didn't work out? If there are please raise your hands, bet not one comes up!



I still like the idea of fishing Sweetened and Cynthia. Sounds like a real hoot.  

I of course missed it all. Had no idea you had posted something that grieved you (or others) so. I so enjoy your posts Sweetened and am happy to see you back....
If i ever say anything offensive(as i am known to do)...please just let me know...I am a bit of a whack job and not everyone understands my intentions.....please stay

lady leghorn wrote:CythiaM......Can you imagine the 3 of us out there fishing?  I can see myself covered in mud, trying to fly fish and catching myself or one of you guys, lol  
People need to lighten up.  Life is tough for all of us, we should stick together not hack people down.
Is there any of us out there that haven't done things that didn't work out?    If there are please raise your hands, bet not one comes up!  
I still like the idea of fishing Sweetened and Cynthia.  Sounds like a real hoot.   

OK, let's us three go fishing, would indeed be a hoot and a hollar, bring it! BEautiful days, CynthiaM.