My two think I can't hear them, but I can. Have you ever overheard a conversation that you wish you could un-hear? Well that's me and my two evil equines. I feel cheap and used.
I was out near their pen, locating buried snowshovels and searching for Show Sheen when they both came trotting over to the fence, heads over, ears forward. Talking.
"Hey look, it's the hay bringer."
"Good, it's been at least 4 hours since she gave us any hay."
"I know. 4 hours. That's a lot."
"Sure is. Hey, she's looking this way, quick, look hungry."
"How's this, do I look hungry?"
"No, no, you're doing it wrong. Hang your head a little, look weak."
"Is this better? Is my head low enough?"
"Pretty good, but suck your gut in, look hollow and ribby."
"I can't breathe like this!"
"Just hang on, it won't last long. How do I look? Do I look skinny?"
"You look pretty good except for all your chest and neck fat and your double chin."
"I know, it's hard to suck in neck fat. But I've been practicing my wormy look. How is this?"
"Wow, very good, you do actually look wormy when you do that."
"I know, it distracts her from the neck fat."
"Why do we want to look wormy?"
"Because whenever there is a problem, wormy, scurfy, too much hair, she feeds us more. So, pick your look and go with it."
"Oh. What would happen if I looked lame?"
"She'd feed us more, aren't you listening to me?"
"Okay. How's this?"
"That is awesome, you look practicaly like your leg is broken. Go with that, she's bound to bring us hay now!"
"Oh! She's right there, quick, nicker a lot and have some tears roll out too, big, fake horse tears."
So, of course, I gave them more hay. Liars. But now I hate them. And I am NOT going out again until at least another 4 hours has gone by! So there.
I was out near their pen, locating buried snowshovels and searching for Show Sheen when they both came trotting over to the fence, heads over, ears forward. Talking.
"Hey look, it's the hay bringer."
"Good, it's been at least 4 hours since she gave us any hay."
"I know. 4 hours. That's a lot."
"Sure is. Hey, she's looking this way, quick, look hungry."
"How's this, do I look hungry?"
"No, no, you're doing it wrong. Hang your head a little, look weak."
"Is this better? Is my head low enough?"
"Pretty good, but suck your gut in, look hollow and ribby."
"I can't breathe like this!"
"Just hang on, it won't last long. How do I look? Do I look skinny?"
"You look pretty good except for all your chest and neck fat and your double chin."
"I know, it's hard to suck in neck fat. But I've been practicing my wormy look. How is this?"
"Wow, very good, you do actually look wormy when you do that."
"I know, it distracts her from the neck fat."
"Why do we want to look wormy?"
"Because whenever there is a problem, wormy, scurfy, too much hair, she feeds us more. So, pick your look and go with it."
"Oh. What would happen if I looked lame?"
"She'd feed us more, aren't you listening to me?"
"Okay. How's this?"
"That is awesome, you look practicaly like your leg is broken. Go with that, she's bound to bring us hay now!"
"Oh! She's right there, quick, nicker a lot and have some tears roll out too, big, fake horse tears."
So, of course, I gave them more hay. Liars. But now I hate them. And I am NOT going out again until at least another 4 hours has gone by! So there.
Last edited by uno on Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:35 pm; edited 1 time in total