Heart and hopelessness.

I don't want to get too personal, but lately I have been having some trouble with my heart. The investigating is just getting underway and I had to wear a 24 hour monitor thingy and keep a diary of my day, write down what I did, when I did it, what I ate, you name it, for 24 hours. Had to hand this diary in with my heart monitor.

As you all know I am quick to point out flaming idiots when I see them, my flaming idiot detector being finely tuned. I can spot a flaming idiot a mile away. But if you ever want to get a brutal, in-your-face grasp of how truly pointless your life is, keep a 24 hour diary of every thing you do. I fell into a deep funk, while clutching my chest. I'm not making this up, this actually happened. Because there, in black and white, was living proof that I might indeed be the very flaming idiot I detest.

Got up
Had coffee
brushed teeth
let out dog
let dog in
Swept porch
lectured dirty dog
washed dishes
load of laundry
vacuumed kitchen
went down the stairs
chopped wood
crumpled paper
threw some diesel in furnace
struck match
diesel on shirt ignited
slapped and jumped
got fire going
opened door to let out smoke
dog ran out
ran after dog
dog back, door closed
damn dog
come up the stairs
check laundry
think about dinner
ribs
go back down stairs
check freezr
no ribs
re-think dinner
have more coffee
forget dinner
go feed chickens
no lay pellets
hike up to tack shed for pellets
toss bag over shoulder
trip on cat
damn cat
hike down to chicken pen
open bag, won't open
damn bag
struggle with bag
cry a little
get it open
dump into bin
fill bucket
feed chickens
rooster attacks
kung fu the rooster
while defending self, chickens get out
damn chickens
back to house
more coffee
head out to feed horses
load wheelbarrow
struggle with gate latch
horses greet me in wrong pen
fence is down
repair fence
damn horses

About this time, reading over my own diary so far, it occured to me that my life is probably not worth living. That there is likely nothing to be done for this wonky heart of mine and I started making up fictional events that were way more interesting than my actual life of endless, mindless tasks. I have welts on my body from those obnoxious sticky pads, have not heard back yet, and while they might nto have anything definitive to say about my heart, I am sure somewhere, a lab tech is muttering to a workmate, this person is a flaming idiot!

Clearly, Uno, you are doing too much work. Rewind to wash dishes and throw in a few of the following:

Watch old music recordings from the '70s
Plan a new quilt project
Lay on your back and watch the clouds
Admire the pattern of feathers on a chicken
Wrap your arms around a horses neck and drink in the warmth
Write a response to something you have heard on the CBC
Check out Cute Overload on the computer
Look for cool rocks
Paint your front door a wacky color

If your heat issues are emotional and not physical,these things will do you a world of good. If not, well, they can't hurt.

Sorry too hear that you are going through all this .I have heard of others who have had to do the same thing and although it is not what we want I believe that if it helps the person out in the end then the few days of discomfort might well be worth it .You do seem like a person who takes alot to heart and although it can be a good thing it also can turn around and bite you .I would relax a bit if I can say that and step back and smell the flowers more often ......life isn't a given ,it's a gift that we need to care for ,because before we know it ................Take care Uno , It just wouldn't be the same with out you here ,and I mean that .

i am sorry your heart is giving you trouble Uno, but the thing is you do my heart good because you make me laugh out loud every time I read your posts, you are very funny, (in the nicest way!) and laughter is supposed to be good for your heart...

From getting to know you as long as I have, I can solemnly swear there is nothing wrong with your heart at all. In fact, they should make more like yours.

Hillbilly wrote: From getting to know you as long as I have, I can solemnly swear there is nothing wrong with your heart at all. In fact, they should make more like yours.

Hear, hear!

Hey Uno. I went through a thing with my heart last year. I would wake up in the middle of the night and my heart would be beating so fast. I wore the Holter Monitor for a week, like you and in the end they decided that it was Super Ventricular Tachy Cardia...my heart was beating too fast. The Heart Specialist said that he could put me on pills that would slow my metabolism and that I would probably gain between 5-10 lbs a month. Nope, didn't want it. My Naturopath suggested a Cactus pill. Next time the rapid beating started I popped 3 Cactus pills (cactus Grande by Boiron) and the heavy beating slowed to a nice regular beat. I hope yours is as easily fixed. The Cardiologist thinks that it is the daily stresses that are causing this in people, especially those of us over 50. Good luck with your diagnosis.

Oh, Cuckomamma, surely do hope the cactus pills was not peyote buttons (spelling). Just kidding, but that surely came to mind.

Uno, I think you have a wonderful life and it is most meaningful. Reading what you did during the day, did you realize that you spent that day helping others? Did you realize how important you are and that without you, these others would be hungry and lonely individuals, smiling. You are special and yep, you got a totally meaningful life. We listen to your rants, your stories, and I know full well, and have told you this time and time again, you make me smile. You bring happiness and a chuckle or two to all of your forum friends, said that, believe that. You just worry too much. About everything. That is what ails you. Stop that worrying crap and trying to fix the world, it ain't gonna happen.

Now...I think it is time that we need breakfast at Hojo's, like soon and you can rant and laugh lots, we listen. You know that. So, let's get this thing going...soon. I can make any morning available to you, after you have done all the chorsey things that you need to do, we could do brunch, smiling.

Glad you didn't burn up when you caught clothes on fire with diesel . Where would we be without Uno? All burned up, then you'd have something to worry about.

Chill...I do think that you need to chill a little, not sure how, but you need to take more time for you. We will talk about that at breakfast coffee. But for now. You probably have anxiety which is causing you to have racey heart feelings and I can bet my bottom dollar that you could get into some natural drugs that could slow you down. Don't do peyote buttons, perhaps cactus pills, no smoke, maybe have some whiskey. Have a wonderful day, girl, health and happiness wishes for us all, CynthiaM.

Uno, given your age and the fact that you are female, hormones play an increasing role in your heart health, particularly thyroid hormones. Many women have reduced thyroid function (hypothyroidism) as they age and this in itself has a huge effect on the arteries and heart. There are two levels of thyroid hormone to be checked and corrected. Perhaps you may consider talking to your doctor about this, as it is most often overlooked.

In the meantime, gently exercise and laughter are good medicine. When my uncle was diagnosed with terminal throat cancer, he went to a naturopath who prescribed some herbs and laughter. He was to rent the funniest movies available to him and watch them and laugh out loud. His diagnosis was when he was in his early 50's. He is 93 now and going strong.

Blessings to you.