Another child dies

Not that I'm prone to tangents, but here it goes.

From second grade through graduation, I spent my life picked on and ridiculed, and though what I went through was terrible, there are so many people who have gone through worse. Regardless, I have long said just because someone has/had it worse than you, doesn't mean you didn't get the worst of your situation, doesn't make what you went/are going through any less anything.

For the fourth (fifth? sixth?) time this year, I got to hear the morning news say another victim has claimed their own life due to bullying, due to inescapable ridicule they did not have the tools to stand up to. From the articles, the parents weren't much help, dealt with things by telling him it's just words, go to bed, move on, buck up, get over it. That parenting method works sometimes in some bullying situations, just as going to the cops does in others, being restrictive and so on. I don't agree with the parents handling of the situation, but I don't have to, and I will never know the entire surroundings of said parental outlook. No matter what, their child is dead, and if they have any regret or blame to burden, they feel it now.

Something is wrong, damn wrong today. Children aren't told no or given boundries in the home and thus they don't have them at school; they are raised in an instant gratification society where everything is done to them and they share every stupid little detail of their life on facebook instead of in a diary with a two-bit lock on it. No one talks anymore. They spend their lives with their heads buried in stupid smart phones, entrenched on google and written expression which is done in rndmly tpd lettrs lol omg wtf that makes no sense and that many students can't even put down using a pen and paper and yet the school systems are debating removing writing from school because it's 'no longer required.' Some schools require students to have a facebook account and, sorry, but that is not the school system's decision.

In my opinion, facebook needs a rule that says "You must be this old to ride this ride." Parental consent be damned.

When I was bullied, I went home and told my Mom I was sick so I could hide in my room where no one could get me. And no one did. I listened to the radio, watched TV and played Nintendo; I went outside and played with my dog. Today, children in my exact position end up on facebook to talk to friends who tear them to shreds, share pictures of them, make fun and continue on; they receive texts on their phone reminding them that they're an insignificant loser even though they're not. They may or may not have understanding family that go to the schools who say they'll do stuff and never do. Some families who are financially able will pack up their children and move cross country. Other parents tell their kids to buck up, grow a hard skin and get over it, and some even promote violence.

Bullying resulting in a suicide, self harm, school shooting or murder is a CRIME. Bullying needs to be a cop-calling offense, with a two strike rule. You can be called on twice before the next call is called harassment, harassment is a chargable offense, and it continues to go up from there. Bullying is easy to prove, especially today with this ridiculous availability of cell phones to record what's going on. A simple voice recording app set to record in a backpack will catch it all -- facebook is an absolutely undeniable paper trail, print screen.

Society is going downhill and fast. People are shooting up naval yards and workplaces and the government is calling it a gun control issue. How about we deal with the issue on the forefront: Mental health. People don't have coping skills, empathy is now a skill you learn instead of one you're born with. We want to tell our children to be who you are, whatever and however that is, when school and society and fashion damns you if you don't conform and there are no repercussions to the parties who create victims and who's actions result in dead children and destroyed lives. I keep saying, you can tell where the world is going by the way people treat animals and how they look at their food -- as that has changed, so has society. Many just assume everything will be there and will be there when we need it, few people live like my grandparents, even my Mom did, putting by just in case, planning and looked at what may happen and the results of the actions you take now, just in case.

Something has to change. Children NEED to stop dying because no one is taking responsibility. This "No tolerance" on bullying is bullshit, because schools ignore it. Schools ignore it because if they start making reports, they start getting graded by governing bodies on the troubles their school is having and faculty start changing, programs get implemented and people actually have to start doing their paperwork and answering to someone. School is meant to train children to get used to a 9-5 life in the work force and whether I agree with that practice or not is irrelevant. What is relevant is that it's now become a concentration camp for children, one they can't escape from, one where parents and kids alike just can't figure out the tools to stop it.

Something is wrong here. Something is terribly. terribly wrong.

Sweetened,your discussion shows you are very wise for your years,and I commend you for it! Unfortunately it sounds like your wisdom come from the school of hard knocks,and I feel sorry that it happened this way.There are so many things that happen today that baffle me,but I do know from my own grandchildren,that once we learn that yes means yes and no means no,that life is much easier for them,but that seems to be a forgetten lesson.I am also appalled at the anger we see in every day life,from road rage on,in every age groupand all genders,and could write a book on the possible causes,but at the end of the day,alot has to do with taking responsibility for our own actions and not blaming everything on something or someone else. The only one we can truly change is ourselves,and yes it can make a difference!!!!Thanks again for your thoughts!!

I went through it too and that's why our kids are in martial arts.   Youngest is just hitting meddle school where I find it's the worst (or, at least, it's where it really starts).   The older two still had kids try to bully, none of my kids are terribly aggressive - same as us that way - but they did have the confidence and self worth to report it so it could be dealt with.

It's rough.  I wish I had the answers.  I thought comedian Louis C K made some good points here.

Sweetened, I support your indignation and rage. Have no idea how to cure it. Well, that's a lie, I do. But my ideas will fly in the face of everyone on this site and I will be banned and thought of as a crack pot.

Yes. Our society is sick. We have lost sight of basic values. We are navel gazing apes. We are imploding, and perhaps that is the way it's meant to be. Lemmings run off cliffs, humanity turns into its own cancer and destroys itself.

It's hard not to feel utterly hopeless some days. On an individual basis people can be good. Or not. But overall, I think we suck.

One day, when WCPS wishes to ban me, we can discuss my out there views. But for now, I'm sorry. I wish I had better words for you.

We're in a process of this "" anti bullying policy "" right now and unfortunately people seem to think it's the governments job to take care of this issue and it's not , this as any other policy doesn't address the issue enough  ! I went through it all as a child and the school system at that time did squat !! Suck it up was what I was told ! Now they think they can solve a issue that is so broad that not a single policy will ever address the whole of it ! I hear parents of kids who have been accused of bullying telling the other parents to get a life , even heard one tell the other parent that most likely they were also sissy's in school ? which goes to prove what I keep saying .............if the kids a bully , one of the parents or care givers is one , seen it a hundred times ..........punish the bully as well as make the parents accountable ...........it is there job to raise them after all ! No children should never have to feel so degraded that they feel that the only way out is permanently ! The parents to this child ? well they will have so many questions that will never be answered ............which is truly sad .But as Sweetened pointed out , look at society as a whole , small wonder we are seeing things we never used to ............kids  need to be kids , who is making them grow up so fast that there innocence is lost at such a young age ? ...........what sort of world have we created

Yes, it is a sad state. We are doing things differently than the norm in our family...we are limiting our children's exposure to screen things and social media, AND have chosen to homeschool. Those in themselves bring shock to most people, and also starts a lot of talking behind the back and criticism (both forms of bullying) even within extended family, not to mention elsewhere. I will warn any who are reading, that we are pro-homeschool, for many various reasons that I do not wish to disclose here, and want to share my view from the "outside." lol

Jumping on my soap box...

I was also bullied in school, starting in grade 5 until I was pulled from the public school in grade 11. I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, go to parties, swear, dressed in hand-me-downs, I was small, quiet, slow to catch on to academic things, my parents were together, etc., etc. I WAS different. I was really at the bottom in my classroom/school's social class in the caste of the system. That is part of the problem...the caste system of labels in the schools and in society as a whole. Not fun at all. I found (and am seeing now more so as a parent) that bullying is the result of what most people label "socialization," and somehow it is perceived that the best socialization can only be obtained in public schools. It may be socialization...but it is not GOOD, nor proper, socialization. Change needs to happen, no question there. People should be respected as individuals and not labelled...whether you agree with them or not.

We are teaching our children that it is absolutely okay to be different and do things differently. That is not found in the system or in society. You may hear it in the media, but in real life, it is hard to come by.

Being different...that is the spice of life. My goodness, being homeschoolers alone, they will be discriminated against quickly by some people, and they have to be able to understand the why and how and KNOW that we are behind them and that they are not alone. Being at home and being a family for the majority of the day instead of separate, they learn that we as parents are taking an active interest in their lives. They learn how a family operates by living it...and how to deal with negativity, manipulation and bullying in a proper manner. We are giving them what we feel is best and most specialized/tailor made for their interests and talents...preparing them for life.

They can grow up more slowly (be real kids). Those who would be in their age group are doing things we are SO very glad that our children are not. Just one example, we are limiting their screen use and electronic use (no ipads, iphones or facebook, twitter, etc. here). We will still teach them the proper (use as a productive tool, not a toy) and safe use, however. Our children's attitudes and reasons for doing things are surfacing as different from the "norm" already as well. They converse with us as parents (not enemies) and value our opinions. We can also minimize the "grow up too quickly" that is all too often pushed in kids' faces today and we can also help prevent them from losing their innocence too soon. We can give them tools to face the harsh realities of life without throwing them in head first and unprepared to face the unforgiving dragons out there...and they will face them. They are not "too sheltered," but protected as a hen protects the chicks until they are ready (hee, hee, that just fits here) and we are not that naive as to not teach them what is out there.

We often hear critics of homeschooling say that our kids will not be properly "socialized," and that uninformed accusation in itself is a form of manipulation and bullying, and so very not true. We ARE different and it is not a bad thing. It is quite the buzz word...and yet when we go anywhere, we hear that our kids can carry on a conversation "...even with adults(!)" (I think this should be normal), that they are very polite and the adults saying these things seem very impressed with their behavior and so on most times.

Okay, now jumping off my soap box...

Our children are also taking a martial arts program. I have seen children who were once bullied become respected by those who once bullied them. It is a good place to start for those who have children who are bullied.

Parents taking an active interest in their children's lives, setting a good example (and giving them a real and hosnest reason to trust and respect you as a parent), certainly setting hard and fast boundaries, teaching them the how and why of things, teaching them to think well...these are all good things.

Anyway, just my bit of input here. It is an important subject to me. Bullying never has a place anywhere.