So What Do You Do?

So what do to do when... You have had enough? What do you do when... you have listened to everyone bickering from the time they get together, gone to school meetings, bought groceries when there is no money because your husband lost his job 5 months ago and doesn't really see the need to find a new one, called the university to see if your 99 credits is good enough to get into the accelerated ( translation: heavy workload) nursing program to see if you can now provide for your family when it was understood that you would be a stay at home mom previoulsly pursuing a career in Vet med, wrestled with your child who has Aspergers to do his homework because although, exceptionally brilliant, cannot believe it is important to know the major rivers of Canada, listened to other child pound the piano in attempts to learn it, do you just NEED A BREATHER??? And no i will not apologize for this grammer. I am going to go feed and water my birds and drink copiuos amounts of wine. Hopefully i will pass out in the cool and someone will eat me. Oh wait... I still have to put them to bed. Sigh

I am not even going to edit that. I meant "coop" , not cool

Ouch! Dare I ask, has this been building a while? Wine is a great temporary stopgap, but I urge you to look at ways to ease your stress long term. I was were you are 4 years ago and today I have an ulcer that just keeps getting worse even though about half the stress is gone.

And for now, sending a big hug your way!

He doesn’t see the need to find a new job. Huh? Does he think the tooth fairy is going to come and leave a pot of gold under his pillow? Must have his fairy tales mixed up. More likely the poop fairy is going to come and leave something in his gaping mouth while he’s sleeping and he’ll wake up with bad breath. Must be darn frustrating. Hope things turn around for you,

? Was he in a stress full job that maybe he's burned out ? You have to be careful once it gets to that situation ! I don't know what your whole story is ,but watch and listen ......there might be more there then you are seeing or hearing .I went through a stress period and it's not fun ! and the last thing taht I wanted to hear was someone telling me what to do ...............but again I don't know what the situation is in your house hold ?

Ah..this is why the vehicle was invented. YOu get in it, drive out of your yard and find a place to park.

Once safely and securely off the road, do one of the following:
A) cry. Go ahead. Wail and scream and complain to Gordon that you were meant for MUCH BETTER. Crying is good for the soul, bad for the mascara, but do it. Wipe your nose on your sleeve.

B) turn your stereo as loud as it will go any sing along loudly, off key if you like, to the music of your youth. Sing like you mean to embarrass your kids. Wave your arms around, bounce up and down, whirl your hair. Rock it all out!

C) stare into space and will aliens to land in the dark void infront of you and zap you to another planet where they make you their queen and you can eat whatever you want and never get fat.

Honestly, sometimes just removing yourself from the same old surroundings and routine is the break you need. Sometimes some quiet time alone helps you gain perspective or clarify things that are uncertain. I have driven off and wept tears of agony, alone in my truck at a dead end road many, many times. I am sorry you find yourself feeling ready to snap. But let it out...cry, sing, be still and silent, or all three. HOpe you find your way soon.

Took sometime to answer. Sometimes answering another you get wrapped up in your own stuff. Even with the support of my DH, I still have days I want to bury myself too.

I find talking to my birds to just let it out. Sometimes I find just having a nice long hot shower followed by a nice sleep helps. Though I guess with kids that might prove difficult. I guess the best thing is if you happen to be fortunate enough to have a really good friend you can talk to, one you can trust that you can pour it out to.

Susan! I feel just terrible for you. Life is often overwhelming. Hubby needs a boot in the drawers, because like lil'farm says - the tooth fairy isn't going to leave a pot of gold under your pillows!

I am in the nursing program in BC, it is one heck of a ride - even for me sans children. Don't drink all your wine just yet, save some for when you get into nursing school. The past 3 years have proven that wine will not only enhance your paper writing abilities, it also makes the subjects bearable and helps to liberate your vocabulary. (of equal importance is proof reading prior to submitting, but I find there is something behind the wine to write method).

Hope things look up. Like Uno says, cry. And when you are done that, rock and sing and have a good time.

This too shall pass.

Susan, I can't say, "I know how you feel."
What I can say is the depths of despair are very very deep and sometimes when you think you can't go down anymore, something else kicks you in the face sending you to the bottom.
But
Each new day the sun rises.
A child with special abilities is a gift who will teach you more than anyone in your life.
All is as it is meant to be and you are strong and perfect the way you are.
One morning you will arise and wonder how you survived, how you managed to put one foot in front of the other and get through to the end of those days, but you did.
And you will be stronger, softer, and again, perfect at that moment.
Think beyond your abilities and capabilities. You can do it.

I wanted to say that although I may not fully understand your situation, I do feel for you. I do understand what it is like to have a child with difficulties. My eldest daughter was born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus. It caused physical and some behavioral problems as well. I do know what Aspbergers (I know I didnt spell it right) is as I have a friend that is now 19 who has it. I will admit, it took me a long time to understand all the issues that can come of that. I have known him for 4 years now. I cant imagine the everyday ins and outs. I will be honest there. I hold you in a high respect for simply being a parent. My daughter would have been 13 in a week, but she past away due to complications of her illness two years ago.

I wanted to say I do understand your husband not working. My husband was in the same situation a year ago. So, before I replied to you, I did ask him his thoughts. He reminded me of something I didnt see at the time. I was so stressed, it was only months after my daughter died (his step daughter), I had a three yr old and a 1 yr old under foot, chickens and milk cows to deal with, and was new to the country. I had only been here a year and a half at the time. I couldnt see past my own nose. Would I have admitted that then? Hell no. I was barely hanging on as it was. However, my husband reminded me of the impact of it on him. See, when we are stressed, we just need one thing to go right and when nothing seems to go right, we cant see what others are going through. Your husband may be having depression issues due to loosing his job. I do not know if it is your situation or not. I had gotten to the point of threatening my husband if he didnt get a job that me and the kids would go back home so that I could support them. The thought of loosing us was enough to make him act, but at the same time, I was to the point that it was not an idle threat. Within two weeks he had a job. But maybe he needs some help to get out of his rut to be able to step up again.

I also understand that feeling that you need to be a stay at home mom. That doesnt mean that you need to loose yourself to being a mom. I did that and when Cheyenne past away, I was lost. Yes I had two small children at home still, but I identified with being her mom as it did consume my daily life for so long. I am not trying to say anyone is crazy, but I would recommend just getting in touch with a counselor that can teach coping methods. Learning coping methods will help you to cope with the situation you are in. Try to get your husband to go with you to learn them as well. With both of you being on the same page, you will not only bring sanity (if that exists lol) back to your life, but to your marriage. My husband and I did and it does help.

For the short term, I tried alcohol, it made it worse. I dont have that part of my brain that tells me to shut up when I have been drinking. Yelling, screaming, pounding on hay bales, hugging my dog, going for a long drive, and crying my eyes out helped. But, remember, if your husband is home all the time right now, he may need it to. I would just tell him, I need a break, be back in two hours, and then I would leave. When I got home, I would come in and tell him to leave and be back in two hours. I found that the break would help me and him.

Venting is another thing. I know you dont want people to feel sorry for you. Venting isnt about that. It is about simply letting it all out. Knowing that someone else out there knows what you are going through is sometimes enough.

Just know that sometimes, we have to take care of ourselves to take care of others. Start there!

I am so sorry you are going threw such a tough time Susan

I really appreciate the replies- thank you. Have some work to do to figure it all out, but the words of support are invaluable. thank you.

Susan wrote:I really appreciate the replies- thank you. Have some work to do to figure it all out, but the words of support are invaluable. thank you.

I feel for you Susan, when I get too stressed I drive my truck way too hard,and try and figure out the best way to deal with life:) Hugs for you , Please Stay Strong