A fish out of water.

Had a bad experience today. Went to town. Not my town, next town over. It's a small town by any measure, but bigger than my own. I never go there because, well, even though I grew up there, it has a different feel to it that I find snobbish and unfriendly. But there I was with some time to kill.

Normally when I go to town I go where I have to go (Dr. dentist, eye examiner, whatever) conduct my business and get out of Dodge. I do not wander around, gape in store windows, peruse sale racks or look over merchandise that I might buy. If I need a frying pan I go into a store that might have frying pans and buy the first frying pan that I see. End of story. I have no interest in going to 4 stores and looking at 4 frying pans and then going back to the 2nd store to buy that one after all. To heck with that nonsense! But here I was in the downtown core, wandering around, looking in windows, wandering in and out of shops, looking at the people walking by when it occured to me with staggering clarity..I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.

There I was. Jeans, cowboy boots that had actual animal crap stuck to them, plaid shirt. My ride was the oldest, easily by 10 years, of any vehicle in the parking lot (best looking too, might I add, oh yeah, a classic!)But I felt like the kid who shows up in class and realizes he forgot to put his pants on. I had my pants on...but not the right pants. Not the right boots. Not the right shirt. My hair was not cutting edge, my nails not painted. My earrings and necklace did not match (they never do!)I stood there, looking around and felt utterly, totally and completely inadequate. I bought some earrings from an import African shop that supports African artisans, and scuttled back to my truck where I was comforted by the aroma of hay and a sweaty saddle pad(in the back seat). I just wanted to crawl in a hole. I felt alone and like a fish out of water. It was horrible.

I can go to town in my own town and I never feel that way. Today at the bank all the tellers were down because there was NO internet service, but they gave me money anyway, because they know who I am and know I actaully have the amount I am asking to withdraw. One bank lady leaned out of her office and said, "I liked your letter to the editor". That's how things are in MY town. The librarian asks about the kid, the waitress knows what I want without being told. The grocery lady asks me how my currant jelly turned out. Does this mean I am doomed to stay here for the rest of my natural life because I am an oddity in other places? WHen did this loss of self confidence occur? Does it happen to anyone else? Is this what they call SmallTownItis? Like Arthritis but this one is only a pain in your a$$.

For me this was a new and distressing sensation, to feel that I was wrongly placed, stood out in a bad way. I make light of it, but in truth, it upset me a lot. How do small town rural housewives play fast and flashy among their bigger town girl friends? I just don't know. I used to, but not anymore.

Uno, you still never cease to make me smile. Are you talking about me? Incognito? I have told you before and I will tell you again, you are a mirror of me, I don't mean with looks, but pretty close to everything you say, describes how I feel, like a fish out of water.

I go to town in my grubs, my blue jeans that more often than not have splashes of something or other on them, usually dirt or chicken poop, or dirty knees, my old t-shirts, my chicken shoes. That is usually how I appear. I change my clothes every day, but to go to town, I do not change nuthin'!!! Your town is my town, I know the town you speak of and that is where I go most of the time. I do not like to window browse either, I get in and get out, as fast as I can, only going to get the certain things that I need to get. You are my mirror.

I do not like to go to the larger towns that are to the west and south, but do, because sometimes it is inevitable. I will still dress as I normally do. The only time I dress up is when my Husband and I are specifically going to the larger towns to "get" things. I do like to kind of at least get off my poopy shoes and put on some clean ones. But that is only when we are doing an "event".

I am a small town girl. That is what I like. When you know everyone, they know you, they know your needs, and so on. That is Enderby. I love Enderby. I loved Enderby the moment that we moved here and I began to be a regular in Enderby. Have I mentioned how I love the atmosphere of Enderby. It is the friendliest little town that I have ever lived near or in. And only one stop light is what really thrills me.

We have now lived here 16 months, having moved from Maple Ridge (ya'll know that), which over the past 30 years since living there, has grown to a monster and it is such a scarey monster place to go back to. I LOVE the pace of the small town. There is never a line up at the grocery stores, ever, and I mean it, no line up for gas, nothing....it is relaxed and that is what I strive for in my life. Being in a relaxed state and living near this town has brought that state to realization. I love our small town. And honestly, Uno, I think that I am going to live out the rest of my life, which is a very long, long time yet, in this small town. Why would I want to move to a larger town area? Nope, we have huge cities that are within 1.5 hours' drive, like Kelowna, Vernon is about 35 minutes, Armstrong about 25 minutes and Salmon Arm about 20 minutes, Kamloops is about 1.5 hours, same as Kelowna. If I want the big city action, it is very close at hand. But for now, I will be that fish out of water with you, and stick around our little home town, Enderby. Now Grindrod, where I actually live, 8 minutes northeast of Enderby, there is nothing really here, a riverfront pub, a small country food/liquor store, post office, a little school of 180 kids that my youngest Grandson attends in grade 7, a hub cap shop, a building COVERED in hub caps, the gal who has the stitchery where she makes and works leather and stuff, and well, oh right, a fellow that has a woodwooking yard, making beautiful wood furniture...and well, I think that it is for my small town, the gal at the post office and little store know me by name. I love the small town!!! Have a beautiful and wonderful day, CynthiaM.

Aside from actually loving to shop around and browse and such, I feel the same way. Except I feel that way when I pick my kids up from school. Awkward, out of place, and yes usually covered in chicken poo. I hate that I feel out of place, but at the same time I refuse to change my clothes, throw on some makeup, paint my nails and join the Parent Advisory Committee just to see if they would accept me more readily...which from experience I dont think they would. And why would I want them to. We have zero in common. But still I hate that feeling. I felt that everyday of my life in school - and that was when I wasn't so different from everyone else.

Maybe we all need to move to Uno's town

I understand how you feel Uno, but I think I may be the opposite of you. I like to go to a bigger town and just fade away. Have people not notice me at all. I don`t change the way I dress, I just go as me, but in a bigger center nobody cares who I am and what I am doing and I feel more free that way.
In our small town everybody knows me and what I am doing and I feel restricted by that. What they may think about what I say or do. How do they know things about me that I haven`t told them.
That is just me though, I am pretty private and make friends very slowly. I am uncomfortable in social situations so when I got to a big place I just don`t give a sh*t and be me. Nothing to prove, noboby to see or care, just me. Strange I know, but that`s how I like it.

My town is great! It feels real. Honest. Unpretentious. But even my small town has its glitches. Cynthia..as I drove through I saw TWO new traffic lights. As you know the streets are all dug up and some civil engineer (banana deprived gorilla in a small cage) has designed the 'traffic upgrades.' WHAT A JOKE! It seems civil engineers study everything except how people actaully behave in the real world. Whatever....mark against higher education if you ask me.

I do not feel out of place here. In fact, sometimes I am maybe too comfortable. Yesterday I threatened a local council member with telling everyone that he and I had a love child together if he didn't support some goofy idea I had. Hee hee, now that was fun! (I did not get the support I was seeking but was offered an abrupt trip out the front door)

I think you're onto something good, Cynthia. A long, leisurely retirement with a growing garden, the grinding noises of the feed plant, the smell of cow poopy making your eyes water, and every little minute knowing you're alive in a place where you being you is just alright with the world.

But still...I felt like a cow in a ballet class yesterday. It was an upsetting experience.

Yes, I think I want to move to your town! lol. I recently got my first pair of cowboy boots, and am dying to wear them. I'm so excited, and think they are pretty, but alas, our town is definitely not a cowboy boot type town.

Most times I feel like I don't quite fit in town, in my farm bog boots (sometimes feathers and stuff sticking out from the bottoms), and jacket that often as not has a smear of unidentified brown on it (where the heck did THAT come from?), clutching my ugly yet functional purse... ok, it's actually strapped to me. It's heavy and I've been toting around the piece to my automatic poultry water, hoping to one day find a piece so I can attach it to a garden hose. (Sometimes, I think my purse would make a great self defense weapon.) I see people I went to school with, all dolled up, in fancy shoes, pants, and pretty small purses, with the manicured nails, and never know what to say to them, anymore. I don't really have a lot in common with most of them. I don't spend hour shopping for clothing (My fashion is pretty functional), I don't go out and party (are you kidding 5 am comes early), not up to date on any gossip, and don't have a clue who the new great bands are.

I am thankful for my friends who don't think it strange, but am most comfy in my little community where, I can wear whatever I want, and everyone has junkers or ATV's as a mode of transport to get around the neighborhood. No need to get dressed up, to go for a visit. We have a motto here: Good enough for Usk. It's so true... I love it. Be yourself, and be comfortable and happy. Yes, we are a colorful lot, but it's laid back, and it's home.

Drive back to that town and walk around wearing your unique-ness as a badge of honor, Uno! I know that I stick out like a sore thumb everywhere I go as I never buy new clothes, my hair is impossible and has it's own mind- a mind that delights in being messy and out of style, and the most expensive piece of clothing I own are my boots!

I walk into unknown places with confidence, chat with other customers and joke with the service people with gay abandon. Most of them think I am crazy, I am sure, but the smile of delight from a stranger is worth 100 strange looks.

I love to set people sideways because as you have observed friendliness is so rare these days. I consider it my job to change that one person at a time.

Who cares what they think!

Sue

It makes a good 'character detector'.

I used to have a Far West Jacket. One of the best coats I ever owned. Had it for years and it got quite ratty looking but it was still really warm so I continued to use it. I guess I started looking quite nefarious because clerks started watching me when I went into stores.

I remember one in particular was a local (recently opened) Christmas shop. We went in to have a look around and a woman followed us everywhere. That didn't bother me so much but they were offering warm apple cider to people coming in but did not offer any to my daughter (she was only 4 or 5 at the time).

That told me everything I needed to know about the store. We left and never went back. It closed a short while later.

Fowler, I suspected you of being many things, but never nefarious. The nerve of you!

I wear my farm clothes around town here- the blue jeans with holes in the knees and a jacket suffering from a few too may encounters with barb wire fences. For a trip to the big city of Kamloops I wear a new jacket and newer blue jeans. I get impatient at the lights, intersection or store aisles where when the traffic has stopped coming from the left there is a whole line coming from the right. I absolutely hate parking lots, although I prefer them to trying to find a two hour parking spot downtown. A few years back they put in a wonderful Real Canadian Superstore with lots of parking, but since that time they have added a Tim Hortons, a Wendy's and a large gas bar. We still shop there occasionally as they are the only place that sells Coyote Pancake Mix in larger bags. I really felt like a fish out of water when we needed a shopping cart on one sure trip. They hide the amount of the damage deposit for the use of a cart and just where do you put the coin. Our local store and Costco has lots of carts that do not require a deposit. As I've gotten older I'm less likely to enjoy an expensive restaurant meal as the meals are much better at home.

Loved reading this post Uno and everyone else's experiences too!

Wondering about your new Avatar, did I miss something there Uno? R those your feet in them thar boots or are they horsey daughter's?
(just cos I am curious)
Did you switch from wheels to shanks' mare?

Miry, my ride has 413,000 kms on it, and those boots have almost as many. Boyfriend bought them for me in 1982. They cost the better part of a paycheque. Boyfriend is now Hubby and I have just sent those boots out for new soles. They got lots of soul, but no sole. Whether in my ride or on shank's mare...it's all well used. Not shiny, not new, not uptown.

I feel like I've found my peeps here. Sounds like we have all taken a page, or at least a paragraph, from the same book!

Loved reading this! Uno always a pleasure reading what you write!

I am from a small town. Small towns where I grew up have 1 school K-12 (or you bus the high school kids to the next town) and no traffic lights (4 way stops are actually a big deal). My dad still lives there (well near there, he farms) and golfed in a charity event to raise money to pay for repairs on the grocery store (it has structural problems) just last weekend.

Now I live near a bigger town. It has stop lights and more than one school I only know a few people which is just fine with me. Even then I attempt to get DH to shop and get the mail on the once a week trip instead of me. Going to work (which is not in or near a town) is plenty of socializing on a weekly basis for me! Maybe I've been approaching things wrong though, I thought I needed to put on clean close to go to town!

Well I have finally decided to post here. I have to agree with sue - why do you care so much? Has it occured to the people who have posted here that the so called "fast and flashy" housewives you think are so judgemental might actually belong to this forum? I am actually quite offended by most of this thred as I happen to live on the outskirts of "big" town. I am actually like many of you. I live on a small acreage with my husband, 2 kids, 3 dogs, 3 horses and about 200 chickens( 100 broilers right now). I spend my days changing diapers, driving kids to and from school and cleaning up after farm animals. I have huge veggi garden and I can and make fresh jams. I guess I am also quite different. I send my child to private school. His friends parents are doctors, lawyers and large business owners. Nobody is a back yard chicken enthusiast. How do I fit in? I may pull into the school parking lot with a vehicle that easily blends into the sea of highend cars but I step out in my barn clothes, flip flops with cracked heals and chipped toe nails, hair pulled back and usually a hat to hid the sweaty mess. I push my baby into the school in a $15 walmart umbrella stroller. I get the same friendly greeting from the principal as anyone else. I sell my eggs to my sons teacher and fresh chicken to other parents. Nobody is judging me for being a "frumpy farmer". They are intersted and curious and ulimatly jeleous that my children get to grow up on a farm and see and interact with animals on a daily basis and not just once a year at the IPE. And this week the president of the parents guild ( whos son is becomming fast friends with mine) wants to come to my little old farm house and see about raising a few chickend herself. She is quite interesed in having some " blue egg" layers and wants some advice. WOuld we turn this women away from this group because shes more polished then the rest of us? No we want to encourage and grow the hobby.

I guess my point is that while you maybe feel out of place in a larger town then you maybe comfortable with that perhaps the women dressed all nice has her own backyard chicken flock and could easily strike up a farming conversation.

And while you may feel ultimatly excluded please don't try and exclude others.

Thanks for listening to my point of view.

Anne

Love the post Uno ! I grew up in a small town where everybody knew each other and it was a safe feeling ! I wish I could find that for my son !I don't think people know all that much these days that feeling of being a part of something without realizeing it .We live on five acres and althought that is considered country these days ? it can't even start to give me what growing up in a small town was like .Everybody was themselves with out any expectations what so ever and no matter where you went they knew who you were , or who's child you were ! kept everyone from doing anything that would come back to haunt you and yet gave you a freedom that's hard to describe .for the few who have found this small town , I envey you in ever way .

Such a great thread! I live in a farm area in the Lower Mainland but 10 minutes will get me into higher end areas. Doing errands after work (dog groomer- I get pretty sweaty, smelly, and hairy), depending on where I go, I`ll either feel like I fit in at the local Co-op or feel like people are trying to keep a wide berth around me if I have to go to the mall. Fuzzylittlefriend... I do get your point, though, sometimes how we think people are looking at us is only in our heads... I had one of those moments a while ago. Had some time to kill after work and went into a high end home decor store, spent about an hour wandering around the store and didn`t buy anything. Now, I knew I looked particularly bad that day, no makeup and bleary-eyed tired, and the store manager started following me around and staring at me. I was sure she thought I was a shoplifter and decided to leave, but she called out to stop me as I went for the door. Turns out she was an old neighbour from about 20 years ago and was staring at me because she hadn`t seen me since I was a teenager, was delighted to see me and wanted to know how my parents were! Just goes to show ya, you don`t always know what other people are thinking!