Tire tragedy

The following story is true. I encourage you to ask someone in your life who is familiar with tires if something like this is possible, because until it happened to me, I had no idea this could happen.

I discovered a screw in my tire. Hubby said to take it to tire store and have it repaired. But Hubby has also been making noises that the front two are bald and I need new ones, so I made an executive decision to just buy two new tires instead of repair old and bald. (I do this often and have preferred customer status. Like I've said before, we drive old beater trucks, usually have 4 or 5 insured vehicles in the yard, and they all have THE BEST tires money can buy, summer tires and a separate set of winters all on their own rims. We are BIG SPENDERS at the local tire store!)

So I'm sitting there waiting when the desk boy comes over, looking sheepish. Oh great, bad news. "What is it now?"
"THe tire guy says you have swollen nuts."

Before you read further, consider the dreadful direction this conversation could have taken. That's exactly where it went.

"Swollen nuts! My nuts were fine when I left the house this morning! I think your tire guy wouldn't know a swollen nut if one fell on his head. This place is obvioulsy staffed by incompetent baboons! I demand to speak to the manager!"

"The manager said to tell you he was called away to a fire."

"Never mind that. Where is he?"

"He's in the bay hiding behind the yellow delivery van."

The manager explained that sometimes nuts swell and they can't get their air ratchet thingy on them. Well then, I suggest you do this BY HAND forget your stupid air ratchet that strips all the chrome off anyway!

Long story short, after making several of the worker guys cry, we got it all worked out. I got two new tires and as many new nuts as they had in stock. Later that night I explained to Mr. HD Mechanic hubby that the tire guys said my nuts were swollen and have you ever heard of anything so stupid! He said YES, he knew the nuts were swollen, but when he changes the tires, he has a technique. Oh, a technique...maybe should have explained this to me before sending me to the tire store with swollen nuts!

So if you think this can't happen to you, let this be a cautionary tale. You might not know it but there's a chance that your nuts could be swollen and you don't even know it.

Tire repair, $30
Two new tires installed, $500
Having a tire boy tell you you have swollen nuts, priceless.

Hahahaha

I had swollen nuts once. They were swollen so bad, I couldn't get the rubber off. My neighbour helped me. Also a true story.

Never had swollen nuts before.

But I did have blue balls when I played hockey as a kid.

Also a true story, they were easier to see in the snow than the orange balls.

You guys kill me!!
So many things come to mind to say, but I am going to play it safe and keep my mouth shut.
Thanks for the laugh!

Hmmmm, I did plant a tomato variety last year called Purple Balls, just so that I could say to my DH "Would you like purple balls tonight dear?" Who'd a thunk that I would ever be posting about that!


XOX Monika

Too Funny!!

LOL, love it and the purple tomatoes!

hahahaha! Too funny!

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Never had swollen nuts before. But I did have blue balls when I played hockey as a kid.

As a goalkeeper in my younger days, I can identify with that occurence.

In the words of my son's gf, this thread is pure awesome.

Uno, you never cease to bring that smile to my face, and to others too, and now and then, that comes full blown out to a grin, I am there this morning. Thanks. Yes, that could have taken us all in a different direction, smiling. Whooda ever thunk, swollen nuts on a vehicle Have a most wonderfully great day, C.U. later, CynthiaM.

Ah yes the dreaded swollen nuts....

My 78 Dodge Van had swollen nuts once.....my 78 Dodge van was also painted like a Killer whale at one point as well... humorously the same time it had the swollen nut issue.
I was aware of this prior to going in for new tires, and had much fun explaining My Dodge Orca has "Swollen Nutz" and I need them replaced, along with two new rear tires.

LOL.... I had a fun time making cracks at the counter staff, as they looked confused until the mechanic finally came out after they had my van on the hoist saying.... That is the first killer whale I have ever seen with Swollen Nutz... The counter staff all three of them headed to the back, along with myself and the mechanic. To their surprise up on the hoist was my Swollen nutted 78 Dodge Orca....

We all had a good laugh and I walked out of there with a bag full of swollen nutz.....

Good times........

A pic of the Van coming out of the Garage... taken with a crappy cell phone..
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Later that day taken with a disposable camera that came free with a bottle of Champagne.... ( no I didn't Drink it)
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You all are a wealth of knowledge, I learn something new everyday, and you're too funny

There's something just SO STRANGE about that vintage-looking photo of that Orca van (too cool, dude, by the way!!) taken with a CELL PHONE.

I want to just assure everyone that Uno is just as funny, sometimes funnier, in person. How lucky I am to be able to sit across a table from her and we all poke fun at each other, laugh lots, counsel one another, fight over cutlery and just generally solve all the problems of the world. Except for swollen nuts. We don't want to remedy that - it's just too good!

farmchiq wrote:There's something just SO STRANGE about that vintage-looking photo of that Orca van (too cool, dude, by the way!!) taken with a CELL PHONE.

I want to just assure everyone that Uno is just as funny, sometimes funnier, in person. How lucky I am to be able to sit across a table from her and we all poke fun at each other, laugh lots, counsel one another, fight over cutlery and just generally solve all the problems of the world. Except for swollen nuts. We don't want to remedy that - it's just too good!

That photo turned out pretty neat i have to admit.... it was taken back in 2004, You can see a few newer model vehicles in the background.
It was taken with my cell phone a Nokia at the time, one of the first to have a camera, and the I uploaded to my computer.
Why it looks like an old photo I have no clue.

But cool none the least.

Aw, FarmChiq, what a sweet thing to say. But it's not true. I'm not that funny. Swollen nuts are funny. Me, not so much.

No, no, no. Swollen nuts are NOT funny. Trust me. They make things very difficult.
It is most certainly the author, that makes such a story bring a smile to our faces.

farmchiq wrote:There's something just SO STRANGE about that vintage-looking photo of that Orca van (too cool, dude, by the way!!) taken with a CELL PHONE.

Indeed, a great look to the photo.

One half expects to see Starsky and Hutch pull up.

Starsky and Hutch....Fowler, you're dating yourself! I suppose you have some Huggy Bear fortrel leisure suit in a closet somewhere. Oh my.

Hillbilly, you are correct that swollen nuts are serious. I was given a lecture from the tire guys that had I ever been on the side of the road with a flat tire trying to get the nuts off and couldn't, because they were swollen, I would not think swollen nuts were so funny. BUt ha ha, the joke's on them, I don't even know how to assemble the jack, as if I'd ever get as far as removing the tire! WHat a joke! Yes, I will drive on a rim. I hope no one here ever gets a swollen nut. (oh someone make it stop!)

Thankfully, I was young enough that I was not picking out my own clothes so I don't have to take responsibility for my wardrobe at the time.