Stupid communication

Piet wrote:The book “Understanding Women” has finally arrived in book stores:
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Piet, I am a little freaked out here. This guy looks just like Doug.....but it can't be him because I KNOW he has not read the first book in this series. Yes, there are more!

uno wrote:

Okay...being reasonable I can understand that this in-your-face approach can be off putting, so I re-worded. :Hub, would you please feed the dog?" And this is where marital bliss went off the rails. Because while Hub did not want to respond orders, he also felt that happy little requests, or notes about what I needed, were just light weight bits of information that he could react to, or not, on his own schedule, if he felt like it.

Uno, you have nailed the problem. God forbid we should make a direct request and be labelled a bitch, so we gently hedge around the request, hoping hubby figures out what we are asking, then that he feels particularly giving that day. Hubby gets mad that we didn't make our request more clear if we wanted him to GET what we were asking. Better to know you are the only one that will do a thing, than to rely on someone else to do something only to realize too late that it hasn't been done at all. If this relationship ever ends, I'm done with relationships. I will just be a hermit with my critters and garden for company...

heda gobbler wrote: One of the most terrible things to do is to go out in the middle of the night, take the hubcaps off the vehicle owned by the individual you wish to punish and put frozen prawns between the hubcaps and the wheel. Now (for your questions, CynthiaM) how one would secure them there to replace the hubcaps without them falling out I just don't know.

Heda, if it was cold out, couldn't you just spray the wheel with a little water and the prawn would stick to the wheel, then replace the hubcap? Once the wheel heats up from turning and braking the prawn should thaw.

Well there, you see, other people than me DO think about these things!

Brilliant Sucellus, just brilliant.

Fowler wrote:[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And George is pistal whipped.

There would'nt be half the problems in marriages if people would just do for themselves what they needed to do if they are able to do it, otherwise ask for help. In other words don't ask someone to do something that you can do yourself.

Exactly Dan, exactly. Don't just suffer in silence.

Thanks Heda. I just love solving puzzles.

Dan Smith wrote:There would'nt be half the problems in marriages if people would just do for themselves what they needed to do if they are able to do it, otherwise ask for help. In other words don't ask someone to do something that you can do yourself.

Oh but Dan, that's exactly what's wrong! See women can do most everything for themselves. If they just "do it" yes it will get done. Not seeing anything wrong with this picture??
Patient and loving indeed.....

I/m with dan

My mother said I'd never get married because I did everything for myself. Then I broke my arm really badly and couldn't do much at all and sure enough was married within the year.

I lived alone until I was 37. I did everything myself. Maybe that's why I don't mind doing as much as I do. I sure don't read between lines either. If you don't ask for what you want, you'll never get it.

Had to chuckle at the picture of driving to town with prawns frozen to the hubcaps. Your friends would think you had showed up with horse dovers and wonder if you brought the dipping sauce to go with your nice, frozen prawn platter.

Just for those of you who think women are the only ones who are indirect, au contraire! I can think of one glaring example! Hubby in came a few years back and said, "Uh..exactly how attached are you to your truck?"

Did he want me to wax poetic about the many marvelous attributes of my mid 80s Jimmy? In this instance the Hub was being cryptic and I am well versed in cryptic. I speak it fluently! But for someone who complains that I should just say what I need to say, he also beats around the bush more often than he admits. Because in this case the innocent question, "How attached are you to your truck?" Actual meant, Holy Crackers, that thing is having massive frame failure that I just discovered and it is ILLEGAL to drive it like that and it is unlikely that it will ever be repaired so it can be driven. But that is NOT what he said, but it is exactly what he meant! So the Hub, in my case, should not be too quick to point fingers.

Another favourite of mine is him asking "Did we have plans today?" while holding his sled helmet and million below boots. Subtle. Like a sledgehammer. And by the way, a sledgehammer will indeed solve certain snowmobiling issues. Just sayin.

Piet wrote:The book “Understanding Women” has finally arrived in book stores:
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This is only Book One of an 85 book series where in women are never explained ever.

There is also the companion series (much shorter).

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"Did we have plans today?" Now that is much more brilliant than "Do we have plans today?" I've got to work on my delivery....

When I was married, we started off with a somewhat natural division of labour for a lot of things. And that's where the wheels fell off. His list was no longer than mine, and we both knew and discussed the things that we both needed to do together, or we asked each other to lend a hand. But when it came to other stuff, his "list" usually ended up partly tacked on to my list, because I could, and because I saw stuff that needed doing before he did. Because most of that combined list was household stuff that I often did before work (he was already gone) or right after work (he wasn't home yet), I often got accused of 'not doing enough' because he didn't physically witness me working.

Once this accusation/argument even tooked place while I was standing in the dining room folding laundry.

If I sensed I was doing more, and gently tried to apply "stupid communication" and carefully suggest that he do one of the things that needed doing, he would wind up in a huff and spend however long afterwards in a passive-aggressive pout that I never know when it would end. When I directly asked or demanded that he do something, I was accused of cramming the Honey Do list down his throat.

I'm with Susan. If one or the other takes on all the things that need doing that we can do, we end up doing a LOT more than our 'share' and that to me is not right. Many men I know, and I'm not saying all, but many, will "defer" to us when it comes to household chores. What a load! lol We both worked just as many hours outside the house (my days may be shorter normally but I work a lot of evenings and weekends, and travel for work sometimes too) but it seemed all the house work fell on my shoulders.

Then the weekends would come and he'd bust his butt to get stuff done, and when I had a bit of time to relax because I spent 45 minutes at the beginning of every week day doing housework, I'd get the same old "you don't do enough".

After awhile it just got heaped on top of the pile of crap I couldn't live with anymore, and we split up. You want to talk about stupid communication? "No" communication is stupid communication. Even if the communicating you're doing is stupid, keep it up! It's more than some of us ever got.

.... Wow. That was cathartic. Thanks Uno.

Hillbilly wrote:"Did we have plans today?" Now that is much more brilliant than "Do we have plans today?" I've got to work on my delivery....

Although his timing needs work.

It should be;

He returns at the end of the day covered in snow, takes off helmet, uses puzzled look (carefully practiced in front of a mirror), "We had plans today?"

ok, ok, ok.

"Did we have plans today? because I had plans on dumping that smelly garbage after I got home, but it looks like some bird dropped a few golfballs on my hood, so now i have some bodywork to do instead. Could you make sure you dump it before we go to bed so we dont have to smell that stench all night?"

"I was bending over to get the garbage when I hit my head. Who am I? Who are you? What's that awful smell? Why is there dings in that truck?"

I am going to insist that both Hillbilly and Fowler be banned because they are turds.

but turds make everything grow so well.

I have to admit that after all the years I have gotten to that point where I seem to be able to read my wifes mind and sometimes I actually tell her what she is thinking ....scary eh ? ......and I'm right ! But all in all it helps to truly know your spouse ,saves in the argument area and it keeps you out of the dog house , plus it shows that you did listen and watch ,and most importantly ............you learned ! ............sorry guys ,I only stuck my hand in the fire once to learn that it hurts ,don't like the pain and am making sure that I don't do it again

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Hijack --At the bottom, under this thread, it said "Similar threads" and ne of those was Beans are Easy, Peas are stupid!

Was totally worth looking back at this thread and catching up LOL

And then my favourite "stupid carrot tricks"...