Stupid communication

Just now, as I was cleaning the kitchen and opened the cupboard door to throw something in the garbage, I was almost knocked over by the stench.

Two days ago I bought a batch of huge prawns for dinner and as I always do, I sniff each prawn before I cook it. One smelled quite offensive so I tossed it and as I tossed it I said to Hub, "I am throwing this stinky prawn in the garbage."

Now he must have thought this was one of those loving, yet mindless communications that go on between married people. As he was watching TV he was probably happy and reassured to know that, bloodhound like, I sniff out seafood that might potentially kill him. My little message to him meant comfort and food safety and soon, a big feed of wine and garlic sauted prawns.

WRONG! What it meant, what the sentence implied was : THIS ROTTEN FISHY IS GOING TO STINK TO HIGH HEAVEN BY TOMORROW SO GET THIS GARBAGE OUT OF HERE, PRONTO!

Today when I opened the cupboard door and was floored by the stench of the rotten seaside, it occurred to me that the mistake here, was mine. Yup, you read that right. I think I was the problem. It would have taken no more effort to actually say, "It is imperative that this garbage be out of the kitchen tonight!" Had I said that, the man would not have been the target of marital wrath. He has not learned yet that when the wife is speaking, he should be running it through the auto translator, look for the hidden message, there is more to this than meets the eye.

But, why can't I just say what I need to say? Often I do. But it occurred to me that this time, I didn't. And I know lots of people who communicate in round about ways, indirect ways. It creates confusion. Misunderstanding. Divorce.

so true. I have never been able to figure out people get out of having someone look for the hidden message. Do they see it as a sign of caring? I don't know but it drives me crazy and I can't even bother trying. I say tell me straight otherwise be prepared to be disapointed.

What ? I thought that we men had to read into what ever was being said by our better half as it were to completely understand what is being meant by said conversation ? I get accused of select hearing ,I just don't listen at times !....me bad !.... but through the years I have picked up to these subtle little miss-meanings to better understand what is being implied ,thus clearing me of all wrong doings and making life so much better for all .But in all ,it is Huge to admit to our own errors ,even if what we meant didn't come out as it should have ........

My problem, is I find 57 different hidden meanings, so, to keep from working 42 days straight to get all the things possibly implied checked off the list, I find ignoring them, and taking a comforter, tv, and popcorn to the doghouse in preparation for what is to come, much less stressful.

Hillbilly wrote:My problem, is I find 57 different hidden meanings, so, to keep from working 42 days straight to get all the things possibly implied checked off the list, I find ignoring them, and taking a comforter, tv, and popcorn to the doghouse in preparation for what is to come, much less stressful.

My husband just hides in the basement.

You men!

I have to chuckle. In our early days together, Hub established that he DID NOT LIKE TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO! Example, if I were to say "Hub, go feed the dog.", he would refuse to comply on the grounds that he was not here to do my bidding (yeah, I know, I thought htat was funny too!)

Okay...being reasonable I can understand that this in-your-face approach can be off putting, so I re-worded. :Hub, would you please feed the dog?" And this is where marital bliss went off the rails. Because while Hub did not want to respond orders, he also felt that happy little requests, or notes about what I needed, were just light weight bits of information that he could react to, or not, on his own schedule, if he felt like it.

So if I TELL him what to do, I am out of luck. If I ASK him to do something, I am also out of luck. Having attempted both approaches, only to meet the brick wall of a Hub who didn't think getting along was his responsibility, I called into action plan X.

Plan X is very simple. You need a ballpeen hammer, a Sharpie and a beloved vehicle, in this case a Z28. You then, politely, alert Hub to some issue of need that requires his attention. Do not repeat yourself. Telling him what you need is YOUR job. Hearing you is HIS job. Wait an appropriate amount of time for him to either do said task or at least respond to you so you know he's thinking about it and it's on his mind.

If, however, too much time goes by and you realize that you've had the in-one-ear-out-the-other response, take your ballpeen hammer, Sharpie and go to vehicle. THWANG! Ah, what a lovely little dimple that makes. Next to dimple write, "This is because I asked you to do X and you felt you didn't need to hear me. Where would you like the next dimple to be?"

You would be surprised how effective this method is at getting one's attention!

But...still the task of making sure that my messages are clear, yet respectful and polite is imperative to a happy marriage and avoiding time at the body shop.

Generally I just tell my husband what I am wanting him to do and he does it (if it's something that I can't do myself like reach high stuff or put drywall mud on the wall). He's a good hubby.

I have a to do list. things get added regularly. when it becomes more like a novel, than a list, I accidently use it as firestarter, and we start all over again.

What drives me nuts is the expectation that whatever my wife asks for should be my number one priority, there is no thought that i might have something else happening.

I envy you women with so much power. How little do you know how lucky you are! Mine could care less whether it be a question, a demand, a need. Thank your lucky stars that the sharpie dent matters. Some men have no currency that you can use. Cars. Love. Sex. Nothing. You are on your own

I think I have trained mine wrong. If I need something done, I do it, if he need something done, I do it. From what you are all saying I am not doing it right AT ALL!
Actually, I like being as self sufficient as I am. Gives me a lot of piece of mind really.

coopslave wrote:I think I have trained mine wrong. If I need something done, I do it, if he need something done, I do it. From what you are all saying I am not doing it right AT ALL!
Actually, I like being as self sufficient as I am. Gives me a lot of piece of mind really.

I'm with you on allllllll of this.

I do agree coop. I do like to be self sufficient. I am glad I can do it on my own and not need a man. Not to say men are t wonderful to a you guys out there. I love men. But when I don't Have the help of one, I am glad I can do it.

Oh gee, now I sound like I need my husband to do everything. Not hardly. If I waited for him to do everything, nothing would get done!

BCKev, you're right, there has to be a balance between my needs and his needs and the house's needs and I think we all struggle to find what works. Now, after many years of marriage I think we have it mostly figured out. If I tell him what I need, it is a courtesy to him. Yup, read that again, it is out of consideration for HIM that I tell HIM what I need HIM to do!

How can that be? Because if I am able to do something myself, I do. If I am NOT able to do something myself, my next option is to HIRE someone to do it. Since Hub hates to pay anyone to do things he can do himself, it is a consideration of his fiscal preferences that I politely allow him the option to undertake this himself. If my project is NOT a priority to him, then I do not insist that it is, I simply hire the task out.

Solving these marital communication glitches is enough to give a guy a head ache, or a night in the dog house as the case may be.

Well hubby is very good about things on the whole, so no complaints really, but if he does tune me out, all

I have to do is mention the word money, lol. All of a sudden he's listening.

I'd like to know where I rank in this but, if I've missed messages, how would I know?

She says, "I am throwing this stinky prawn in the garbage."

She means, "Take out the garbage."

He hears, "This is what I'm doing at this point in time, just keeping you posted."

I slightly burnt the bacon and over filled the tea pot because I was reading fowlers insightful comments, How will she interpret this.

Well this is not a hijack but just an aside, totally within the terms of this thread.

Somewhere I was reading about revenge. Something that can be comforting to contemplate but should rarely be acted upon. One of the most terrible things to do is to go out in the middle of the night, take the hubcaps off the vehicle owned by the individual you wish to punish and put frozen prawns between the hubcaps and the wheel. Now (for your questions, CynthiaM) how one would secure them there to replace the hubcaps without them falling out I just don't know. Maybe put them in a sandwich bag with holes or tape with duct tape. Apparently within days the vehicle will smell so foul it will be impossible to use. And who would think to look under the hub caps (except now for all of you, having read this thread to this point!). Even if they are found and removed however, the damage will have been done.

Others, before packing up and storming out of their ex's house have packed the hollow curtain rails with frozen prawns and put them back up to await the inevitable. Apparently this ruins the building for human habitation.

All a bit jaw dropping but just to reinforce Uno's point - if prawns are going bad, FOR HEAVEN SAKES take them out of the house!!

The book “Understanding Women” has finally arrived in book stores:
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Heda,you're a genius! The problem here isn't communication, it's seafood! Seafood must ruin more marriages! You think they'd quit selling the stuff.

Doug says, "What plans do you have for Truffle?"

Sue hears, "You have too many dogs and you need to get some out of here. They cost too much money and take too much time and what is the point anyway of having all these dogs, especially ones you can't show or breed or won't bring in the house?"



Sue says, "I am throwing this stinky prawn in the garbage."

Doug hears' "I am throwing this stinky prawn in the garbage."


See the difference, Uno? Men hear the literal meaning of what we say. Women read innuendo into the speech of others. Next time try this:


Uno says, "I am throwing this stinky prawn in the garbage. Please take the garbage out today before the prawn purifies and stinks up the whole house.

Mr. Uno hears, "Throw out the garbage today or S.W.M.B.O. Will have a hissy fit of ginormous proportions."

Piet wrote:The book “Understanding Women” has finally arrived in book stores:
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..........LOL !

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.......??

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]..........and that folks is all in good fun ..........